


A Date, A Bet and Some More

by dreamyloner



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Breaking Up & Making Up, Crossdressing Kink, Depression, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub, Emil is asexual., Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Leon is a sellout., Light Sadism, Lukas is a sadist., M/M, Manipulation, Masochism, Mental Breakdown, Misunderstandings, Nobody is normal in this fic., Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Suicide Attempt, compensated dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-02-22 02:15:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13157073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamyloner/pseuds/dreamyloner
Summary: Leon is a cross-dresser that goes on occasional compensated dating to earn his pocket money. One day, he meets an exceptionally attractive, arrogant and aloof client. To his surprise, this terrible client is related to his asexual best friend, Emil.Pairing: Lukas/LeonWarnings: sex, dirty talks, manipulation, dom/sub





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Someone asked me to try out this pairing and here it goes. It's not gonna be as dark as my last fic but it's still gonna be twisted in some way xd Give me your opinions and tell me how you want this to continue! :D

**(1) A Date**

‘Are you doing anything special tonight?’

Leon lifted his head and glimpsed Emil, who was taking a sip of his orange juice. His silvery white hair was tousled. There were two visible circles around his eyes.

‘You pulling an all-nighter again?’ asked Leon, directly ignoring his first question.

Emil sighed and placed his chin in his palm. He had no idea why he enrolled in this couse. He knew from the start he was no genius in Maths, unlike Leon and Yong Soo.

‘Me going clubbing da-ze!’ Yong Soo bounced up gleefully, despite the fact that the question was not intended for him. He had styled his hair with gel and his curl was particularly eye-catching today. He had a set of brand new shirt and frayed jeans that was a miserable imitation of his favourite K-Pop idol.

‘I’m not asking you,’ mumbled Emil. He turned to Leon and asked, ‘You think you can help me with Maths tonight?’

‘Dude, the test is a month away,’ Alfred butted in loudly, munching on his cheese burger. ‘Ain’t nobody got time for that.’

‘I don’t think Emil is asking you,’ Matthew pointed out, but nobody was listening.

‘Me got an awesome party tonight and you guys are invited!’ Alfred jumped onto the chair and clapped his hands to gain everyone’s attention.

‘I don’t remember allowing you to hold another sleepover party at our place!’ Matthew growled, but again was pretty much snubbed. Last month, the party went out of control and Matthew ended up spending three days to clean the house.

‘I can’t,’ said Leon. ‘I’ve, like, got a date tonight.’

‘Again?’ Emil cocked his brows and grunted in frustration.

‘Well, kinda, like, short on money lately,’ said Leon, running his thin, long fingers over his beautiful brown hair. Emil would have fallen for that face if only he hadn’t been asexual. Everybody knew Emil showed no interest to anyone. Leon might be his very best friend but still, when the poor boy confessed to him two years ago, he got a straightforward answer.

**_‘I like you a lot as a friend, but not exactly as a lover.’_ **

It was a miracle they stayed as intimate as before. Leon didn’t seem to mind the fact that Emil couldn’t date anyone. He appreciated that Emil was being honest with him.

‘Why don’t ya go clubbing with me instead?’ suggested Yong Soo as he wrapped his arm around Leon’s shoulder. ‘Grab some beer and booties.’

Leon finished typing the final paragraph of his essay and switched off his laptop. He smacked away Yong Soo’s arm.

‘No.’

A brutal rejection.

‘Honestly, one of these days, you’re gonna get into trouble,’ warned Matthew. Leon ignored him.

‘He’s right,’ agreed Emil. ‘Dating for money is kind of…’

‘Immoral,’ added Yong Soo with a goofy grin.

‘As if you’re moral enough,’ said Leon. ‘You, like, basically sleep with anyone when you’re drunk.’

‘I don’t do that for money,’ defended Yong Soo. ‘It’s for entertainment. Life is too stressful.’

‘It’s a personal hobby of mine as well,’ said Leon.

Everyone stared at him. They blamed Kiku for bringing Leon into this. A couple of months ago, Kiku got Leon hooked on cross-dressing. Ever since then, Leon would crossdress as a girl from time to time. As if that wasn’t eccentric enough, he had started going for compensated dating. He found it amusing that people actually believed he was genuinely a girl. He went on dates for money. Normally, his business involved no sex. He would at most offer hand-holding or kissing, depending on his clients’ appearance, of course. Some desperate guys actually paid to have a part-time girlfriend or companion.

There was this one time where a guy got persistent and pushed Leon against the wall, trying to strip him. Fortunately, Leon was a Kung Fu expert. He beat the guy to a pulp and left.

None of his friends liked what he was engagning in, especially Emil. But then again, they couldn’t stop him. That’s one of Leon’s absurd interests.

Yong Soo believed it was Kiku’s brainwashing that influenced Leon. Matthew knew better. It was probably because of Arthur, Leon’s ex-boyfriend, who left a rather severe emotional scar on the boy that took away his ability to love normally again. Emil personally thought it was his fault for rejecting Leon, which led to him resorting to Arthur and getting dumped subsequently.

‘Who’s your date, by the way?’ asked Alfred. It was rare to see him even engage properly in their conversation. He never questioned Leon’s interests or actually commented on it. He was always gibbering and eating or videotaping pranks around the campus.

‘Actually, I don’t know much about him,’ admitted Leon. ‘But he’s, like, quite attractive. Sort of pale.’

Emil rolled his eyes. ‘So you can’t hang out with me tonight?’

‘I think you should, like, get more sleep,’ said Leon. ‘I’ll help you with Maths tomorrow, I promise.’

‘Can I join?’ asked Matthew.

‘Sure.’

‘I don’t wanna go home tonight,’ said Emil. He leaned back against his chair and pouted. 

‘Why?’

‘He might be home,’ said Emil, looking down at the ground.

And then they all knew Emil was referring to his older brother. His borther used to study in Norway but a year ago or so, he had decided to fly to London and live with Emil. From Emil’s description, this brother of his was extremely anti-social, protective and aloof.

‘We had an argument last night,’ said Emil. ‘On what to have for dinner.’

‘Why can’t you just get along with him?’ asked Leon.

‘That’s easy for you to say,’ said Matthew as he peeked at his twin, Aflred, who was currently flirting with a senior girl with large boobs.

‘Exactly! You don’t even have to deal with someone like my bro. You see this bruise?’ Yong Soo rolled up his sleeve to reveal a rather red bruise on his elbow.  ‘That cheeky bastard broke my computer and he didn’t even apologise!’

‘Just stay in your room then, Emil,’ suggested Leon. ‘Maybe he won’t, like, bother you.’

It’s not like Leon had a smooth relationship with his own siblings. Yao was annoying as hell, always nagging, taking control of everything in the house and poking his nose into his business. Chen was so reserved he hardly even talked. Mei was always barging into his room without his permission and stalking his social life. Two months ago, he decided to move out and live on his own. The rent was pretty expensive and that’s why compensated dating turned out to be quite useful.

There was no freaking way he was going back to that house of headache.

‘You don’t know him,’ said Emil. ‘He’s unpredictable.’

 

**(2) Sigurd**

Leon put on a wavy wig, a rather fancy skirt he received from Kiku earlier and a pair of white boots. He didn’t need too much make-up because he had an inherently androgynous face. He just had to trim his brows a little bit.

The boy was already at the station when Leon arrived. He was even more attractive than he looked in the picture. Pale skin that almost sparkled in the light. Pale blond hair and deep blue eyes. A slender built. He was utterly different from the Leon’s usual clients, who normally looked ordinary and nerdy, the type that had trouble striking a conversation with a girl.

‘Are you by any chance Leona?’ asked the boy, who was probably slightly older than Leon.

‘And you’re Sigurd?’ asked Leon.

‘Yes.’

‘Payment first.’

‘Right.’ Sigurd dug into his pocket and pulled out some cash.

‘I think you’re missing-’

‘I’ll pay you the other half if your service is, well, satisfactory,’ said Sigurd plainly.

Leon had never seen someone this proud and solemn. He examined the boy’s face one more time. He was a head taller than Leon and was definitely hypnotising when he…smirked?

‘Fine,’ said Leon. He could make an exception this time.

‘So where do we start?’

‘Well, you’ve, like, signed up for a couple of services,’ said Leon as he scrolled through the notes he made in his mobile. ‘Dinner, movies and-’

‘I’ll start by taking your hand.’

Leon’s heart nearly skipped a beat when that cold hand grabbed his. He had never felt this way before. His cheeks were burning when the boy refused to take his eyes off him.

‘Are those colour cons?’

‘Yes,’ said Leon with a faint blush. He tried to avoid eye-contact with this mysteriously handsome boy.

‘I don’t think I’ve asked for an extravagant Japanese-style cross dresser,’ said Sigurd.

Leon stopped and glared at Sigurd wide-eyed.

‘I do think you’re quite adorable,’ said Sigurd. ‘So I’m not gonna sue you for scam. You could’ve done better dressing up as a girl.’

Leon’s face was completely red by then. He couldn’t retort at all. Sigurd’s eyes were roaming his body and they pierced into his. He knew he was a crossdresser!

‘Can we take a picture?’ asked Sigurd. ‘Because that asshole bet that I couldn’t get a date.’

Leon frowned at Sigurd. In the next couple of minutes, Sigurd tried to explain to Leon why he had to go on a blind date with a random ‘girl’. Apparently, he had an argument with his little brother and then his best friend teased him about being a single, lonesome man. They had a bet. If Sigurd successfully charmed someone and proved it, he would get three hundred bucks, which was three times as much as he was paying Leon.

‘So I still get two hundreds,’ said Sigurd. ‘And it wouldn’t hurt to try.’

They had dinner in an Italian restaurant. They ordered some pizza, spaghetti and drinks. They hit it off with some casual talks. Sigurd was extremely blunt and arrogant. He commented on Leon’s odd sense of fashion, how his eyebrows were a bit too thick for a ‘girl’, the crude way he arranged the date and the cost of the service. Leon couldn’t deny that Sigurd seemed to be perfect in every way but nobody had dared use such tone to speak to him. His other clients worshipped him like a goddess. They fell head over heels for him and fawned over him.

‘How long have you been doing this?’ asked Sigurd.

‘Do I have to, like, answer your question?’ asked Leon.

‘Well, up to you,’ said Sigurd. He shrugged and smiled enigmatically at Leon. ‘I can’t force you, but your service determines how much you get paid.’

‘Aren’t you a bit vain?’ said Leon.

‘I admit I am,’ said Sigurd. ‘Aren’t you a bit rude to your client?’

Leon clenched his teeth and looked away. This guy made him so mad yet at the same time he felt defeated.

‘Oh, someone’s clearly cross.’

‘I’m not,’ said Leon. His face went redder than the tomato sauce on his plate.

‘You’re not a professional liar either,’ said Sigurd mockingly.

Leon tried to ignore the embarrassment and focussed on his food. He was like standing naked in front of Sigurd. He had barely known that guy for an hour and yet he was able to see through his every thought. It was…distressing and uncomfortable.

‘You said you don’t sell your body,’ said Sigurd.

‘That’s right.’

‘It doesn’t make your job any prettier though.’

‘Are you, like, lecturing me?’ growled Leon. This guy was getting on his nerves but he couldn’t resist talking to him.

‘No, I have no right to,’ said Sigurd. ‘I’m just thinking what you would do for an additional hundred.’

For a long moment, they just stared at each other in silence.

 

**(3) A Deal**

Leon felt like he was selling his dignity.

Sigurd might look slim but he was unusually forceful. He pressed Leon against the wall as their lips smashed against each other. They started making out in the middle of the movie and they stumbled into the empty washroom. The kiss was rough and passionate. Leon couldn’t help melting into it. When he opened his eyes, Sigurd’s orbs were all he saw. He was hard. Extremely hard.

He hadn’t felt this excited in a while. Sigurd pulled down his skirt and started fondling his length. Leon was still pinned against the wall. He moaned as Sigurd stroked him. He pushed him into one of the cubicles and locked the door. He made Leon sit on the toile cover, legs spread in a humiliating manner. He bent down and took Leon’s length into his mouth.

The moans echoed in the washroom. Leon never expected Sigurd to be this good at giving a blowjob. Sigurd’s stare was sharp and cold. Even when his tongue was working skilfully around Leon’s rod, he was gazing at him. Leon blushed immensely and looked away. A few moments before he came, Sigurd decided to stop. Leon whined and begged him to continue. Instead of listening to his plea, the pale boy stuffed Leon’s mouth with two fingers and asked him to soak them with his saliva. He then moved on to Leon’s bottom and started stretching his hole.

‘Wait-’

Sigurd flipped Leon over so he was bent over the toilet. He gripped his wrists firmly and continued to finger him.

‘S-Stop,’ said Leon. He didn’t think it would go this far. He thought they were just going to make out.

‘Shut up,’ whispered Sigurd into his ears. ‘You aren’t going to cum if we stop here.’

Leon gulped and shut his eyes. Before long, Sigurd’s fingers were replaced by his own shaft. He thrust into Leon slowly and pulled out all the way before slamming back in again, causing the brown-haired boy to moan in pleasure.

‘You’re getting better at it,’ teased Sigurd as he kept ramming into the smaller boy. ‘At least you moan more like a slut now.’

‘Screw you,’ cursed Leon.

‘I’m screwing you,’ said Sigurd. He shoved himself into Leon roughly, causing him to cry. Leon held back his tears and stopped thinking about the degrading scene.

He was being thrust into from the back and Sigurd was seizing every opportunity to insult him. He whispered dirty words into his ears and then left a trail of bite marks on his bare neck. He yanked his hair while bumping hard into him.

‘Fuck,’ wheezed Leon. ‘S-Slow down!’

‘Say my name,’ demanded Sigurd, ignoring Leon’s request.

‘I, like, asked you to stop being so rou-’

‘I asked you to say my name,’ interrupted Sigurd.

‘Damn it.’

Sigurd wrapped his fingers around Leon’s length and started stroking it. Leon groaned and with each second of increasing pleasure, his lips quivered.

‘S-Sigurd…’

‘Yes?’

Sigurd stopped, pulling halfway out of Leon.

‘Oh God, why did you stop?’

‘You want me to continue?’ asked Sigurd with an amused smile.

‘Yes.’

‘So you’re enjoying this,’ said Sigurd. ‘Can I get a discount?’

‘What the fuck are you talking about?’ growled Leon as he glared back at Sigurd.

‘20%.’

‘No!’

‘You can come on your own.’

‘15%!’

‘Sure.’

Sigurd gave Leon a hard thrust and they came together. They both collapsed to the floor panting.

‘That’s a great deal,’ muttered Sigurd as he gave Leon’s cheek a lick.

‘You disgust me,’ grunted Leon, still seeking his long lost dignity.

‘My pleasure.’

They cleaned themselves the best they could and left the cinema.

‘So, what happened to the principles you mentioned earlier?’ asked Sigurd as they strolled along the street. ‘About not selling your body?’

‘You bastard.’

‘I paid.’

‘You-’

Before Leon could finish his utterance, Sigurd had him against the wall again.

‘Why don’t you say you’ve been longing for this?’ Sigurd smirked. ‘As I remember, you did moan quite loudly.’

That took away Leon’s very last pride.

Sigurd slipped the money into Leon’s pocket and walked off.

Without even turning back, he said, ‘Sigurd is not my real name by the way.’

**(4)  Meeting**

Leon’s back hurt. Whenever he tried to make a turn in his bed, it ached. Memories from the previous night still haunted him. He couldn't even leave his room without limping. Surely, his friends would notice and might even laugh at him. The date had gone disastrously and yet whenever Sigurd’s face flashed across Leon’s mind, his heart started to beat frantically.

Emil dropped by his flat and spent the afternoon doing revision with him inside his room. When he asked Leon about the date, Leon sighed and blushed. What would Emil think of him now? He actually had sex for money. On top of that, he had had sex with an awfully conceited and bold guy.

Still, Leon didn’t feel like lying to Emil. As Sigurd had said, he was a terrible liar.

‘We…We had sex,’ said Leon.

Emil’s expressions didn’t change. Leon was relieved that his friend wasn’t making a fuss.

‘Was he any good then?’ asked Emil curiously. He would never have sex with anyone. He never had such desires anyway.

Leon couldn’t deny it was wondrous. Sigurd completely ravaged him.

‘You bottomed?’

That was the only thing that shocked Emil.

‘Well, that’s not really your style,’ said Emil.

‘I guess not…’

Leon couldn’t concentrate on his assignments. He felt dizzy when he mentioned Sigurd, let alone thinking about him.

‘Are you ever going to meet again?’ asked Emil.

‘I don’t know,’ said Leon. ‘I guess not.’

‘I’m glad he didn’t hurt you,’ said Emil. ‘You should quit.’

For once, Emil looked concerned. Leon could tell he was genuinely worried about his safety and well-being.

‘You can’t afford to skip class every time after a date,’ added Emil. ‘Plus, letting a stranger bang you is kind of…’

‘Dirty, I know,’ said Leon.

‘No, dangerous,’ clarified Emil. ‘I really think you should quit this.’

‘Right,’ said Leon. ‘I’ll think about it.’

Leon didn’t hear from Sigurd again after that date. He still kept his contact in his phone but they never talked to each other. Leon took Emil’s advice and stopped cross-dressing or even dating altogether. A semester passed and when it came to Christmas time, Emil invited Leon to sleep over.

‘I’ve got a new video game,’ said Emil.

‘It’s not Mario, right?’

‘No!’ Emil rolled his eyes.

‘Isn’t your house a bit…crowded by the way?’ asked Leon. As far as he knew, Emil was living with his older brother, his brother’s best friend and two more room mates.

‘Mathias won’t be home tonight,’ said Emil. ‘Tino and Berwald are staying in Finland for Christmas.’

‘And your brother?’

‘He’s home but I’m not talking to him,’ said Emil. ‘Pack your bag and drop by at seven tonight.’

‘Sweet.’

Leon arrived at Emil’s house a bit early. He had got everything ready and even brought along some DVDs. He reckoned they might have a sleepless movie marathon. He rang the bell and soon he could hear the footsteps.

The door was opened gently and standing in front of him was not Emil.

Leon’s eyes widened.

‘Oh, it’s you,’ said Sigurd monotonously.

‘Who’s it, Lukas?’ Emil yelled from inside the house. He dashed towards the door and quickly welcomed Leon delightedly.

‘Lukas?’

Leon frowned and stared at Lukas.

Lukas stared back.

‘What’s going on?’ asked Emil.

‘This is your friend?’ asked Lukas suspiciously.

‘This is your brother?’ asked Leon in astonishment.

‘What? You’ve never seen each other, I suppose.’

And all this time, Leon thought that boisterous, tall guy with blond, spiky hair was Emil’s brother.

‘This is gonna be interesting,’ said Lukas as he leaned against the door frame with crossed arms. A smirk crawled over his face.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to end this fic in a few chapters ;d But things are just getting more exciting :/ I'd like to bring in Leon's past and more character interactions, including all sorts of manipulation, domination and coercion. Not sure if it's gonna end happily. Maybe a tragic end is more of what you're looking for? XD

**(5) Anxiety**

Leon’s hands were shaking. He averted his gaze to the ground. It didn’t help that Lukas’s stare was as penetrating as could be, with a hint of disdain and mockery.

Emil peeked from his older brother to his friend and decided to break the tormenting silence.

‘Come in,’ invited Emil. Leon didn’t budge. Instead, he took a step back.

‘Um…actually I, like, think it’s not such a good idea after all,’ he stammered, trying his best not to look at Lukas. He had to leave before Lukas spilled out something humiliating.

Emil frowned, unable to fathom Leon’s sudden change of mind. Before he responded, Lukas said, ‘Come in. It’s not like I’m a scary monster.’

He didn’t like to keep the door open. As a matter of fact, the wind was blowing in. It was snowing outside.

‘What’s wrong?’ teased Lukas. ‘I don’t bite.’

Leon wanted to dig a hole and crawl into it so he could disappear forever. It was debasing to face Lukas. He had had a deal with his own best friend’s brother!

‘Get lost, Lukas,’ said Emil as he quickly dragged Leon into the house. ‘You’re scaring my guest away.’

‘I didn’t do anything,’ protested Lukas. He held up his hands in defence. Fortunately for Leon, it seemed that Lukas had no intention to leak out their secret rendezvous.

The rest of the night proceeded awkwardly. Lukas insisted that Emil and Leon eat with him. He even forced Emil to swallow the vegetables, saying it was good for his health. For the entire dinner, Leon avoided eye contact with Lukas, who stared at him occasionally with a smirk. Leon wanted to cry when Emil left to go to the bathroom. He wanted his friend to stay but it would sound too desperate and cowardly.

After Emil left the table, Lukas finally opened the conversation with Leon.

‘I see you aren’t wearing your dress today.’

‘Do you have to, like, destroy me every time we meet?’ asked Leon.

‘Me, destroying you?’ laughed Lukas as he leaned closer to Leon. ‘I think you’re a bit paranoid.’

‘Please don’t tell Emil anything,’ said Leon. It was unusual for him to beg someone, but Lukas was a challenging opponent. At least, he recognised his own limits.

‘You think I’d rather ruin my clean brother image just to make Emil feel disgusted?’ said Lukas incredulously. ‘I thought you’re smarter than this.’

Leon couldn’t stand this guy. As much as he had to admit that Lukas’s words always spoke the truth, his attitude simply irritated him. So much for putting up a façade.

‘Emil always mentions you,’ said Lukas. He tilted his head and goggled at Leon. Leon couldn’t help but look away with a faint blush. He felt as if he was being undressed. ‘Like how you’re pretty clever, funny, popular and all. I guess he thinks too highly of you.’

‘That’s, like, a bit rich coming from you,’ said Leon rudely.

‘I mean, of course, you have your own wits,’ continued Lukas. ‘But I don’t really like the idea that my brother is hanging out with a sellout.’

‘I quit,’ argued Leon. He finally mustered the courage to glare at Lukas. ‘As I remember, you, like, enjoyed my service fairly well. I don’t think Emil would like to know what his brother could do with a random crossdresser.’

There was a long moment of silence and then Lukas burst into laughter.

‘Are you threatening me?’

‘No,’ said Leon flatly.

‘I’m back!’ said Emil as he walked back to the table and sat down between Leon and Lukas. ‘You two weren’t bad-mouthing me while I was away, right?’

‘Of course not,’ said Lukas with a warm smile. ‘You’re my perfect little bro.’

Emil blushed and brushed off his brother’s hand as he attempted to ruffle his hair. Leon was dumbfounded. Was Lukas always like this towards his own brother? He was a completely different person in front of Emil. He was gentle, caring and affectionate. Yet, his words were full of spite when he talked to Leon.

It’s not like he had done something incorrigible to make Lukas despise him to such great extent. As long as they were placed in the same room, there was always a possibility that a war would ensue.

After dinner, Leon stayed inside Emil’s room and the two boys tried out the new video game. Then, they watched a couple of movies. In the middle of their third horror movie, Emil fell asleep with his head on Leon’s shoulder. Leon didn’t feel like waking him up but he needed to use the toilet real quick. He gingerly picked Emil up and placed him on the bed. He draped a blanket over him. Emil looked like an angel while he was asleep. His breathing was soft and he actually produced these adorable, faint snores which Leon could spend the whole night listening to. His cheeks were smooth and pink like a newborn’s. He looked downright defenceless and innocent. No wonder his family would die to protect him.

Leon found it irresistible to stare at Emil’s sleeping face. He couldn’t help but bend down to stroke those messy silvery locks. He left a small kiss on Emil’s forehead and left the room.

 

**(6) Seduction**

Leon yawned as he walked down the dark hallway. He opened the bathroom door without a second thought and regretted it immediately. He was taken aback by Lukas’s half-naked body. The blond had just finished his shower and stepped out of the bathtub. His hair was dripping wet. He had a towel wrapped around his lower body. He looked like a fallen angel.

Leon made a quick dash towards the door but it was too late. Lukas saw him.

‘So you have a new hobby now,’ said Lukas. ‘Sneaking up on somebody.’

‘No,’ defended Leon. ‘I’m, like, sorry. I just wanna use the toilet.’

‘Go ahead.’

Leon frowned.

‘Aren’t you…like getting out?’

‘This is my house,’ said Lukas sternly. ‘My bathroom. I decide if I want to stay or leave.’

‘Um…I can’t-’

‘Just use the toilet,’ said Lukas in his low, warning tone. If Leon hadn’t been needing to use the toilet so bad, he would’ve waited until Lukas finished looking at himself in the mirror and drying his hair.

After Leon finished his deed and went to the sink, Lukas was wiping moisture cream on his face. Leon had no idea how long he intended to admire himself in front of the mirror.

‘What a narcissist,’ Leon muttered so soft it was almost undetectable. Yet, he neglected the fact that Lukas was extremely sensitive.

Leon nearly slipped when Lukas pushed him against the wall. His heart started to hammer against his chest. He could almost hear its deafening beats.

‘Say it again,’ mumbled Lukas.

‘Narcissistic, aren’t you?’ And Leon wasn’t afraid to repeat that phrase.

‘I have every right to be,’ said Lukas proudly. He was still half-naked and Leon didn’t like it at all. He was starting to get distracted by how alluring Lukas’s body was.

He was slim but he had abs. He stood taller than Leon and that already made Leon feel inferior. It wasn’t always the case that Leon came across someone more handsome than him. And he thought he was already vain enough.

His self-esteem plummeted after he met Lukas.

‘You find me attractive too, don’t you?’ teased Lukas as he traced along Leon’s jaw line.

Why did he feel so powerless in front of Lukas? He could have punched him even if he was Emil’s brother.

Before Leon could make a move, Lukas was faster. He grabbed his crotch and smirked.

‘Well, your body is fairly honest.’

**_Shit._ **

Leon’s gasp only made it worse. Lukas was already winning.

‘So you quit that dirty business of yours after you met me, right?’

He was undressing him every single second with his brutally outspoken attitude. Leon blushed and tried to argue but he never could think of a valid argument against Lukas.

It was true he couldn’t date someone properly after meeting Lukas. Every time he went out with another guy, all he could think of was the humiliation that night.

Lukas had taken what remained of his pride and dignity. It was an agonising memory. He thought he was getting over it but then they met again. Their reunion was as disastrous as their first encounter.

Lukas was already rubbing his knee against Leon’s crotch.

‘What are you-’

Leon was met with a rather forceful kiss that rendered his lips bleeding. Lukas basically smacked his tent, causing him to moan out loud. He tried to shove Lukas away but the pleasure betrayed him. He was aroused. So freaking aroused.

‘Somebody needs a bath,’ said Lukas.

In a matter of seconds, they were wiggling in the bathtub, with hot water splashing upon their naked bodies. Lukas kept stroking Leon while preparing him. At least, he was merciful enough to prepare him properly before intruding his body.

The steam made Leon feel dizzy. He couldn’t think straight and Lukas’s dirty words kept resonating in his ears. He knew he was low enough to sell himself but he deserved some respect too. He was doing it for money. For his tuition fee. For his rent. He wasn’t exactly lucky with his stock investment for the past three months and the hourly wage provided by his part-time could hardly satisfy his daily needs. He was a hopeless shopaholic and materialist.

‘You said you quit,’ said Lukas. ‘But you’re still good at moaning like a slut.’

‘Shut up- ah!’

Leon struggled in the kiss. He tried to look for ways to make himself feel less mortified. Lukas and Emil actually shared quite a massive resemblance but it was impossible for him to imagine Lukas as Emil at all. The way Lukas talked and touched him would never apply to Emil, who was a soft-spoken, reserved sweetheart.

What in the world went wrong with the upbringing of these two brothers?

Leon was losing it. Lukas hooked his legs around him and thrust his shaft deep inside him. It hurt but at the same time it was pleasuring. It was the kind of hurt you would bask in. Leon began to wonder if he was a major masochist. Arthur had said so, but he never wanted to believe that. No, he didn’t deserve such treatment.

His nails dug into Lukas’s back but the taller boy didn’t seem to care. Heat surrounded them. Leon came first and after a few more thrusts, Lukas released his seeds inside him.

He only pulled out when both of them stopped panting.

Leon felt dirty. Yet, it indisputably felt good.

They made out some more in the bathtub. Leon had no idea why it had come to this, but Lukas seemed fairly clear about what he wanted.

He wanted to tease this boy more. To bully him. To make him incapable of resisting his body.

 

**(7) A Talk**

Leon was met with a migraine in the morning. He had dozed off next to Emil. When Emil woke up, he also opened his eyes.

‘Morning,’ greeted Emil. He was rubbing his eyes and yawning.

 _‘So cute,’_ thought Leon.

His back hurt again and this time his butt hurt more. His head was spinning.

‘Why are you…wearing Lukas’s shirt?’ asked Emil as he squinted at the oversized shirt Leon was wearing.

‘I took a shower last night,’ explained Leon. ‘He offered me a set of clean clothes.’

‘I see.’ Emil nodded without any more suspicion. He got off bed and stretched.

‘Breakfast?’ He smiled.

‘I think I’ll, like, pass.’

Leon rolled to the left and snuggled inside the blanket. Emil bent over and asked anxiously, ‘What’s wrong?’

‘Headache,’ said Leon. ‘And I’m not hungry.’

‘Do you need some Panadol?’ offered Emil.

‘I’ll be fine.’

‘I’ll let you rest then.’

After Emil left the room, Leon fell asleep again. When he woke up, it was already noon. His head didn’t hurt as much. At least, he was able to think straight.

He wished what had happened the previous night had been a nightmare, but the bruises on his body reflected otherwise. He dragged his heavy body into the bathroom. He cleaned his face and brushed his teeth. He was expecting to see Emil downstairs but instead he was met by Lukas.

Lukas was in the kitchen cooking something. Leon decided to go back up before Lukas caught him.

‘Now you’re running away from me?’

Lukas’s condescending tone rang in his ears. Leon sighed and stomped downstairs.

‘Where’s Emil?’

‘And good afternoon to you,’ said Lukas cheerfully. He didn’t turn around to look at Leon. He kept adding something into the frying pan.

‘Good afternoon,’ muttered Leon. Well, not so good.

‘He’s out to run some errands,’ said Lukas. ‘Take a seat.’

It took Leon a minute to react. He hobbled towards the dining table and sat down gloomily. After what had happened between him and Lukas, he simply couldn’t regard Lukas as Emil’s older brother anymore. He wondered why Lukas would even be interested in him. Was he a sex maniac? Or did he just detest him so much he wanted to ruin him?

‘What do you, like, want?’ asked Leon. He reckoned if Lukas was plotting something against him, they might as well come clean to each other.

‘What do you mean?’ Lukas turned around. He carefully poured the fried chicken onto a clean plate.

‘Is this some sort of joke? What do you, like, want exactly from me?’ interrogated Leon. He was firm this time. At least, he didn’t look away from Lukas and he wasn’t shuddering.

‘Nothing much,’ said Lukas casually. It was this carefree tone that infuriated Leon. He felt as if he was being toyed with.

‘You like me, don’t you?’

‘Huh?’

Now Leon was confused. Did he like Lukas?

Wait, the answer ought to be pretty obvious. All Lukas ever did was taunting him, playing with his dignity and pride. How could he like someone so…so…so…

‘Attractive’ was the word that flooded his mind.

Gosh, he certainly was hopeless.

Lukas had this invisible charm around him that drew Leon to him, despite how horribly he treated him. Deep down, he sort of admired Lukas’s substantial self-confidence, egocentricity and narcissism. He was a guy who never seemed to fail in anything. He only saw himself in his eyes.

‘Impress me,’ said Lukas. ‘Maybe I will consider going out with you.’

‘What?’

A gigantic question mark appeared on Leon’s head. He stared at Lukas in disbelief. Did he just say he would go out with him?

No, that wasn’t even what he ought to be thinking about. This guy was giving him the creeps.

‘You’re kidding me, right?’ Leon almost laughed.

‘Do I look like I’m kidding?’ Lukas raised one of his brows and crossed his arms. He looked dead serious. Leon tried to hide his blush and the panting that resulted from the crazy beats of his heart.

‘We’ll try something else tonight,’ suggested Lukas.

Leon had a bad feeling about this.

 

**(8) Confusion**

Leon should have left when he still could. Yet, Emil insisted that he stay for another night because he didn’t want to spend the Boxing Day alone with Lukas. This Christmas, Leon prepared a gift for Emil. It was an exquisite watch. When Emil knew that it cost Leon a few hundred, he wanted to reject his present. What he prepared were a hand-knitted sweater and a matching scarf. He suddenly felt guilty. Every year, Leon bought him something extravagant. And every year, Emil ran out of ideas for gifts. Leon had got everything he needed. Branded clothes. Expensive watches. And he was an apple fan so basically he had a Macbook, an iphone and an ipad. Emil couldn’t think of what to buy for Leon.

Unknown to Emil, Leon actually appreciated how Emil got into so much trouble making handicrafts for him. He himself was a money-oriented guy. He would never spend so much effort into self-making something.

He knew nothing good would happen when Lukas asked him to go into his room after Emil fell asleep.

Lukas was right. He might have liked him a bit. Otherwise, he would have been able to push Lukas away, considering that he was never a fragile, petite boy to begin with. Why couldn’t he stop Lukas? Why did it feel so good when he touched him?

When he was pinned down on Lukas’s bed, Leon’s mind went blank. The room was filled with Lukas’s scent. There were a couple of paintings and Leon realised that Lukas was a talented painter. He also spotted quite a lot of photos Lukas he taken with Emil and his roommates.

While Leon was busy exploring Lukas’s room, his wrists were tied up with a belt.

‘Gosh, don’t tell me you’re, like, into this kind of stuff,’ said Leon. He tried to wriggle his hands out of the belt but Lukas stopped him.

‘I suggest you stop struggling,’ whispered Lukas. ‘It might hurt.’

‘Why me?’ asked Leon. He ran out of lines to say, to be frank. Lukas had already straddled him and was taking off his shirt.

‘Ask yourself why you’ve stayed,’ was Lukas’s cold response.

The rest of the night consisted of Leon getting bitten all over his body, penetrated harshly from behind and coaxed into moaning till he came.

It certainly wasn’t the kind of Boxing Day he had wished for. Lukas had made him cum over and over again. He was bent over all on fours. He wondered if his moans ever reached Emil’s room. He tried to focus on Emil’s smile in the photo on the nightstand, but Lukas made him turn around so he was facing him. He seemed to wallow in Leon’s crying expression. It turned Lukas on when Leon begged him to slow down or to stop. He always did the opposite and thrust hard into him. He loved the frustration, the humiliation and the vulnerability all plastered over Leon’s adorable face.

‘Well, you’re more cooperative than I thought,’ commented Lukas.

After they came for the third time, Leon was practically out of breath. Lukas seemed to be rather satisfied.

‘Just untie me, bastard,’ cursed Leon.

‘Gladly.’

Lukas untied him.

‘Aren’t you going to punch me?’ teased Lukas.

‘No.’

Leon simply sat up. He didn’t know why but he felt like crying. He wouldn’t hurt Lukas in any way because he was Emil’s brother. He didn’t want to upset Emil. Plus, he saw no point in retaliating now. They had both enjoyed the pleasure.

‘Can I, like, use the bathroom?’

Leon stood up and barely managed to wobble towards the door.

‘Sure.’

He felt Lukas’s stare follow him. He didn’t look back. He needed a warm bath to calm himself and think properly.


	3. Chapter 3

**(9) Bad Luck**

Leon opened the door to his apartment, located on the tenth floor of a high-rise modern building. Great security. A ginormous swimming pool. Luxurious decorations. Well, Leon never thought it was large or grand enough to accommodate all his belongings. He hadn’t got much time to clean up the sitting room. Parcels and letters piled up in one corner. A stack of notices caught his attention. He picked them up, expecting to see more and more bills until the warning word ‘evacuation’ rendered him motionless for five minutes.

‘Great,’ mumbled Leon sarcastically as he tossed himself onto the unnecessarily enormous couch. All this furniture cost him a fortune. He lived like there was no tomorrow, the consequence being that money left as soon as it reached his wallet.

He hadn’t been able to pay the rent for two months and already they were kicking him out. He rubbed his temples and sighed. So much had been going on in his life. His phone chimed incessantly. He scrolled down the messages.

There was Alfred’s invitation to another extravagant party, followed by Matthew’s friendly reminder of the upcoming course enrolment. Then, there was Yong Soo’s snap showing him clinging to a gorgeous girl with large breasts and platinum blonde hair. She was holding a…knife?

**_What the heck?_ **

He secretly prayed that Yong Soo came back in one piece. Emil sent Leon an advanced Maths question because he was going to retake the final exam. And then…there was a text Leon never thought he would receive. It was from Lukas.

 ‘You’re kidding me,’ said Leon with a frown. Lukas texted him just to ask if his butt was alright? After all the insane things he had done to him, he was asking if it hurt?

Of course, there was a sarcastic tone to his question. He wasn’t sure if Lukas genuinely cared about him or he was just mocking him, again. Leon would bet on the latter intention.

He punched some words and ended up sending them to Lukas.

  _Wt do ya think? you creep._

He didn’t expect Lukas to retaliate with a humiliating photo of him in bed. Clearly, his cheeks were red, his hair damped with sweat. He was probably moaning and was too dazed to notice Lukas snapping a photo of him.

‘Sweet,’ growled Leon. ‘Now he can, like, blackmail me.’

He was quite positive about three things.

First, Lukas was definitely a sex maniac.

Second, he was also a sadist and…what was that word Kiku always use- **_a tsundere?_**

Third, he seemed to have laid his eyes on Leon, with whatever malevolent intentions he had in store.

Leon tried to think about the more impending problems, such as his course enrolment and the evacuation notices. He switched on his laptop and checked his stock. It hadn’t risen since last month and he had generously, foolishly spent a few thousands without even a strategic planning. Maybe he ought to go back to compensated dating? Nah…he quit. It was horrendous enough to have to deal with Lukas. Right, he reckoned he ought to graduate soon and find a decent job. He immediately enrolled more courses than he was required to take, to fill up the credits as soon as possible.

Like Yong Soo said, life was too stressful for college freshmen like them. And when he was stressed, he felt like shopping and spending money, or worse, having sex.

Leon believed he was just having some sort of misfortune. Frankly speaking, he suspected that someone had cursed him. And if he had to blame someone, it had got to be Lukas. His life started going downhill since he met him. It didn’t help that sometimes he dreamt of being fucked by him.

And he would wake up…rock hard.

He needed to forget about his nightmarish Christmas and tried to focus on the rent. He needed money. Quite a lot, actually.

When the new semester began, Leon got himself a new-found business. He had decided to utilise his intelligence and probably help a couple of wealthy classmates cheat in the online exam. It definitely brought in a considerable amount of income but he just never had enough to spend. He wasn’t particularly pleased to see Lukas in one of the advanced courses he had inadvertently enrolled in.

Worse still, he arrived late to the lecture and there was only one seat left. Right next to Lukas.

It couldn’t be a coincidence, could it? More like a curse.

Reluctantly, Leon walked towards the empty seat at the back, trying to keep his cool and ignore the stares other seniors threw at him.

‘Are you, like, stalking me?’ asked Leon.

Lukas was originally immersed in what the lecturer was saying before he slowly turned to look at Leon in amusement.

‘This is Advanced Economics,’ said Lukas. ‘More like you’re dying to see me.’

Okay, that was definitely not true. Maybe he was a little bit excited to see Lukas for reasons he didn’t want to explore, but he wasn’t dying to see him, regardless of how attractive and skilful in bed he was.

Thinking of their sex made Leon blush again. He had been drowning himself in other stuff, money-making, computer hacking and reading to occupy his mind. And now, this happened.

When the lecturer explained the assessment, Leon couldn’t pay attention at all. Because Lukas was freaking touching him!

He traced his hand along Leon’s thigh. Leon tried to scoot away but if he moved too much, the student next to him would know. Lukas was merciless with his trick. His fingers inched closer to Leon’s crotch. Leon dropped his pen and grabbed Lukas’s hand. He glared at the Norwegian, who was seemingly multi-tasking. While indulging in the tease and testing Leon’s reactions, he was also listening intently to the lecture. How did he manage that? Leon wondered.

‘Stop it, pervert,’ whispered Leon.

‘We’ll have some fun later,’ Lukas whispered back. That didn’t reassure Leon at all. Now he was in trouble.

When the lecturer asked them to form a pair for a group project, Leon missed it. He only realised what was going on when Lukas said he had put down both of their names.

‘What?’

‘Don’t thank me,’ said Lukas. ‘Treat it as a favour. Nobody would want to pair up with a freshman.’

It was true. Why did he even sign up for this course?

But still, even if nobody was willing to pair up with him, Leon wouldn’t resort to Lukas. Hell no.

 

**(10) Breakdown**

A second before Leon was still thinking of his financial ‘crisis’ and now his mind was completely swept away by Lukas’s kiss. Bites were planted along the crook of his neck. He buried his face into the other boy’s shoulder, trying to suppress his moans. Doing it in the toilet was never Leon’s favourite. It felt dirty. But then again, that was what Lukas said about him. Dirty. Low. The same thing Arthur had said about him as well. He had always been a sellout, betraying his own dignity in exchange for a fleeting moment of pleasure. That was why Arthur dumped him. He didn’t even love him and yet he fell prey to his beautiful lies, a delusion that somebody actually wanted him.

Leon wanted to change but didn’t know how. He wanted to spend less, but he couldn’t stop it. All the stress and pressure was pushing him over the limits. He would break down. He had been depressed once and it wasn’t a pretty sight. He cut himself in middle school, isolated himself from the rest and even attempted suicide once. Nobody knew his problems and he concealed them. He needed some sort of distraction to quell his pain and then he came across Emil and Yong Soo in high school. They made his life better. Sometimes, he also enjoyed Alfred’s and Matthew’s company. They were a pair of eccentric twins. Polar opposites. But they were fun to chat and hang out with.

They were rubbing against each other. Leon didn’t have much stamina. He wanted to get to the peak quickly and leave the toilet. Lukas had him pinned up against the wall.

‘Just…’ he stammered, trying not to moan too loud. ‘Put it in.’

‘As you wish, babe.’

Did he just call him ‘babe’?

Leon was too carried away by the pleasure to think. As soon as Lukas thrust into him, they had to stop. Somebody had entered the washroom. They heard a door open and slam in the cubicle next to theirs. Leon’s rod was twitching. It was leaking and it didn’t help that Lukas was stroking it deliberately. He dug his teeth into Lukas’s neck to muffle his groan. It was embarrassing, with Lukas inside his body.

Once they heard the washroom door open and shut, Lukas pushed Leon harder against the wall and rammed deep into him. It struck his prostate directly. Leon whimpered.

‘I bet you want others to hear you,’ whispered Lukas into his ear.

Leon wanted to curse but then again he was the one being banged, stripped and dominated. Oddly enough, he enjoyed it. All the biting, the dirty insults and the rough thrusts. It drove him crazy. His mind was in temporary haze and when that happened, he forgot everything in his miserable life. He wanted that moment to last.

Lukas’s teeth grazed through his skin. He shivered and bit Lukas’s ear in return. Lukas didn’t seem to mind the blood dribbling down his earlobe. The pain. The pleasure. The ongoing conflict. The friction. Oh God, it was perfect.

He hadn’t felt this good in a while. Mathias would never let him do this, part of the reasons why they broke up. Of course, there were more. Lukas felt that Mathias was more like his own brother than a lover. A year after they went out, they decided to go back to being best friends and sworn brothers.

Lukas had always been looking for someone to love and bully at the same time. His form of love was twisted to the core and not many people were able to stand that. In fact, nobody could stand it. Apart from Emil, everyone was nothing but a part of the game to him. Side characters.

But Leon was attractive in many ways. He would never admit so. This boy was so broken inside it excited Lukas. He wanted to break him even more until he couldn’t survive without his existence.

Was it love?

Obsession?

He just loved his moans, his childish whines and the defeated face he made. Conquering someone and stripping them of their pride turned Lukas on.

‘Lukas…’

It was the first time Leon called him by his real name.

‘Touch me,’ demanded Leon.

Lukas smirked. He kept his thrusts and whispered into Leon’s ear, not forgetting to lick it in the process. ‘You’ve got to beg if you want something.’

Leon’s face was burning. He wanted to come desperately. He wanted Lukas to stroke him, to fiddle with his length or just do whatever to make him climax.

‘Please.’ It came out as a faint whisper but it was full of helplessness and emotions.

‘Louder.’

‘Please.’ This time, it was more of a moan. At least, Lukas could hear it and he was honoured to grant Leon’s wish. He stroked him hard and pounded into him so deep the boy’s toes curled.

They came just a second before another person entered the washroom. Leon panted, his bangs soaked in sweat. Lukas stayed inside him for a while before he pulled out with a low groan. Leon felt dirty all over. His inside was hot. And it kinda ached after the pleasure was gone.

‘Can you walk?’ asked Lukas, not in his usual kind of teasing tone.

Leon wanted to think that he really cared about him, but he knew Lukas was incapable of caring for someone other than Emil.

The feeling of shame and guilt overtook him. He broke down in tears. Lukas looked astounded. He didn’t expect Leon to cry. Well, it wasn’t his initial intention. He just wanted to…tease him and break him a little.

Maybe he went overboard.

Lukas thought he was crying because of the pain, but actually Leon was crying because all his problems came back to him once the sex was over.

He was such a loser.

‘Hey, are you-’

‘I’m fine,’ said Leon. He grabbed some tissue and cleaned himself. He put his jeans back on and wiped his tears.

‘You sure?’ asked Lukas.

‘I’m fine,’ growled Leon. He glared at Lukas but soon his gaze softened. He was surprised to see Lukas looking rather…concerned?

Or was he mistaken?

‘I’m, like, really fine,’ said Leon.

‘If you say so,’ said Lukas monotonously, but he left a rather long kiss on Leon’s lips.

 

**(11) Ambiguity**

Leon wasn’t sure if it counted as dating.

The time he spent time with Lukas had increased. They talked about the project, texted each other, grabbed lunch together and of course, there was sex.

The sex part was always pleasurable. It made him forget his problems. But sometimes, he couldn’t help thinking that Lukas was just after his body, the same way Arthur did. He was repeating his mistake.

‘Where’s your car?’ asked Lukas one day. He had seen Leon walking with grocery bags on the street and asked him to hop in. Leon didn’t want to take a ride from Lukas but since he had asked so politely, he accepted the offer. Lukas had toned down a little since that time Leon broke down in the toilet, or maybe it was because they were getting to know each other more. He hadn’t been sarcastic all the time. He still teased Leon and filled him with dirty talks while they were doing it, but they were at least able to have normal casual conversations without verbally attacking each other in every single sentence.

‘I, like, don’t drive anymore,’ said Leon. He tried to focus on the road ahead. His hair was messy. He hadn’t got time to style it. He was wearing a hoodie and a pair of random jeans he grabbed from the wardrobe.

‘You’re not quite yourself lately,’ said Lukas. ‘And why is that you’re not driving anymore?’

‘Um…’ Leon looked out of the window and decided not to tell the truth.

‘Well?’ Lukas pressed on and stole a peep at Leon.

‘Ran out of petrol,’ said Leon.

‘Then refill it,’ said Lukas as-a-matter-of-factly.

When Leon didn’t answer, Lukas growled, ‘Well, I’m asking you a freaking question.’

‘I’m broke, okay?’ It almost came out as a yell. Leon didn’t want to lash out at Lukas. He hadn’t been in a particularly good mood lately.

He glimpsed the groceries. He hadn’t gone shopping for two weeks and he was barely able to fill the fridge with some milk and bread. He had gotten thinner and paler. Lukas thought he was on diet. But then again, Leon was never fat to begin with.

‘What happened to your part time?’ asked Lukas.

‘It’s not enough,’ said Leon. ‘Just, stop asking me questions. I’ll, like, be okay.’

‘Damn liar,’ muttered Lukas as he braked the car in front of Leon’s residence. ‘You know what I think?’

‘No,’ said Leon. He tried to open the car door but Lukas stopped him.

‘All these problems come from you,’ said Lukas. ‘You want a lavish life, then make sure you can afford it. You want to stand out. Make sure you can endure the gossips. You want to live like there’s no tomorrow, then you’ve got to abandon the future.’

It was true. Leon had only himself to blame. It was he who had decided to run away from home. It was he who thought he could make his own living. It was he who thought he could depend on himself. He was so silly and full of himself he failed to notice his own limits.

‘You need to think more before you act,’ said Lukas.

‘It’s, like, none of your business.’

**_Fuck his pride._ **

‘You’ve made it my business,’ growled Lukas. He yanked Leon’s hair and pushed his head against the window. He leaned close to him and squinted. ‘Nobody is going to pity you. You can continue to wallow in self-accusation, wasting time to think how unlucky you are. Life is never fair to begin with so quit whining.’

‘I’m not even whi-’

Lukas kissed him. Before they knew it, they were making out in the car.

This continued until they were inside Leon’s apartment, where they could let out as much noise as they wanted. Lukas tackled him to the couch.

‘Sex makes you forget things, huh?’

He seemed to understand Leon better than Leon himself did.

‘Well then, let’s not stop tonight.’ Lukas smirked and bent down to bite Leon’s lips.

Leon lost count of how many times he came that night. Lukas was as rough as ever but the pain, coupled with the immense pleasure, was always unforgettable. It lingered. He had had insomnia for nights and finally, he was able to fall asleep in Lukas’s arms.

When the morning came, Lukas was gone. Leon dragged his exhausted body to the bathroom and took a long bath. Lukas’s marks were all over him. When he came out of the bathroom, he finally noticed the breakfast on the table.

Lukas had cooked something for him. Given the limited supplies of food in his fridge, Leon concluded that Lukas must have gone down and bought something from the supermarket.

Leon wasn’t sure what to feel about this. He had mixed feelings. Part of him wished that Lukas had stayed. Part of him wondered why Lukas had to do this for him. And then, there was a part of him that wanted to cry and sleep again.

He finished the scrambled eggs, bacon and toast. He packed his things and decided to give the landlady a call. He was going to move out. He didn’t need all these luxuries. They were all material objects he relied on to hide the fact that he had no self-esteem at all. He should just…recognise his limits and probably go home.

To his astonishment, the landlady said somebody had already cleared his debts and paid for next month’s rent.

When Leon’s phone buzzed again, he picked it up. It was a text from Lukas.

_ Now you’re mine. You owe me a lot. _

Leon’s mouth gaped open. **_WHAT?_**

He stomped around the apartment and tore the evacuation notices. He punched the wall and kicked the table.

**_Damn it._ **

As expected, Lukas would never stop trampling on his pride.

 

**(12) His Brother**

‘Leon, got a moment?’

Leon looked up from his laptop and exchanged a gaze with Emil. They were inside the campus library. Leon was trying to finish the last section of his essay. He patted the seat next to him.

‘No, not here,’ said Emil as he scanned the crowded library. Everyone was seemingly fighting their deadlines, their fingers tapping the keyboards like motors.

‘Sure.’

Leon packed his things and stood up. He followed Emil out to an open space. He pulled him to one corner and asked sternly, ‘Are you seeing my brother?’

It took Leon a minute to process the question. He scratched his head and frowned. ‘What do you, like, mean?’

‘Well…’ Emil trailed off. He didn’t know how to put it. He had seen Lukas and Leon hanging out on the campus and sometimes they went off alone as well. Something was definitely going on. Maybe they were finally getting along? Emil wasn’t too sure.

‘You and Lukas seem to, um, spend a lot of time together these days,’ said Emil.

‘Oh,’ said Leon with a nod. ‘It’s because, like, we’ve got this common course on Economics. We’re, like, drafting the business plan for our project.’

‘No, I don’t mean that,’ said Emil. His eyes glistened and they were seeking something. Absolutely not an excuse.

‘He doesn’t just hang out with anyone,’ argued Emil. At least, he knew Lukas well enough to conclude that he was an anti-social guy. He wouldn’t have any unnecessary association with anyone. Emil could count with his five fingers the number of friends Lukas had.

‘I’m, like, sorry,’ apologised Leon. ‘Did we sort of, like, neglect you? You want to hang out with me, right? Wanna study together?’

‘No, that’s not what I mean,’ said Emil. He rolled his eyes. A faint blush appeared on his face. ‘What I need to know is- are you two dating?’

That question struck Leon. He glanced uneasily at the people passing by. His eyes followed them to the escalator. The sun was shining bright. It was starting to get hot.

‘What, like, gives you that idea?’ sighed Leon. He sat down on a bench.

‘Because…well…I should be the one asking you!’ grumbled Emil. ‘You’re hiding something from me.’

‘I, like, don’t know,’ admitted Leon. It was true they were spending more time together but nothing really changed. Lukas was still seizing every opportunity to taunt and seduce him. And he always ended up giving in to the temptation. To say they hung out a lot, it was more like they had sex frequently.

‘What?’ Emil raised his voice. ‘How could you not know? Do you feel something for Lukas? For my BROTHER?’

‘Are you, like, mad?’ asked Leon. Did he upset Emil? How should he answer?

‘No, I’m just curious,’ said Emil. ‘Now answer me.’

‘Maybe we’re dating,’ grunted Leon in frustration. ‘Or maybe not.’

‘This is ridiculous.’

‘I know,’ said Leon. ‘Why don’t you, like, ask your brother? I don’t get him.’

‘And you think I get him?’

‘You’re his brother,’ said Leon. ‘He trusts you more.’

‘I don’t understand why you have to hide this from me,’ said Emil. He sounded extremely irritated. His face was red. ‘I thought we’re best friends.’

‘Because I’m, like, very confused,’ said Leon. ‘And I don’t want to upset you.’

Emil crossed his arms and sat next to Leon. Neither of them spoke for a long while. They watched the people chatting and walking past. Suddenly, Leon felt a pang of guilt for not revealing the truth to Emil sooner. Deep down, he still had some unrequited feelings towards this silvery-haired boy. He knew he had to get over it. It had been two years since the confession. Emil would never be interested in anyone. He was aromantic. He was asexual.

‘I thought we could share anything,’ said Emil. ‘I’m not upset. You look so absent-minded recently. I need to know what’s wrong with you.’

‘I’m doing fine,’ said Leon. ‘Really.’

‘So you like him?’

Leon contemplated Emil’s words. He had been running away from this question for a while. Did he like Lukas? Or was he just physically drawn to him?

‘I’m telling you this because I regard you as a very important friend of mine,’ added Emil. ‘Lukas isn’t normal. I think you know. He has a weird way of expressing himself. If he’s hurting you in any way, tell me.’

Leon wondered why Emil would say that. Was it something that happened between Mathias and Lukas? Emil was probably there to witness their quarrel and eventual break-up. Lukas might be a little bit sadistic, but he didn’t exactly hurt Leon much. At least, Leon could still tolerate it. He had even got accustomed to it.

‘We’re good,’ said Leon. He wrapped his arms around Emil and gave him a quick hug. ‘Thanks by the way.’

‘So you’re here. I was wondering where you’ve wandered off to.’

Leon let go of Emil and both of them looked up to see Lukas, standing in front of them impatiently.


	4. Chapter 4

**(13) Confession**

Emil peeked at Lukas's face through the rear-view mirror. He looked pale and expressionless as usual. Emil tried to notice any fundamental emotional changes and decided to give up. The silence suffocated him. He remembered Leon's hug and the slight annoyance Lukas showed when he appeared. He knew, for one, Lukas was an extremely jealous person. Basically, he allowed nobody to touch his possession. When he caught Mathias messing with Gilbert and Alfred, he went haywire. And since Emil was a child, Lukas had been there to fight away his bullies, help him overcome any obstacles and take care of him like an actual mother. Their parents were estranged. When Emil bravely suggested studying abroad, Lukas immediately vowed to follow him, abandoning everything he had ever had in Norway.

'Lukas?'

'Yes?' Lukas's lips curved upward. He was trying his best to give Emil a friendly smile. Emil knew he had to be careful of what to say next. The last thing they wanted was end up hurting each other.

'Do you like Leon?' asked Emil bluntly.

Lukas's smile didn't fade, but his gaze remained on the road ahead. Leon had refused to take the ride. He said he would stay in the library for a bit longer to finish his last assignment. Lukas didn't force him and drove Emil home instead.

'That,' sighed Lukas. 'I'm sorry, Emil. You've seen something, haven't you?'

Emil nodded.

'You can be honest with me,' said Emil. 'There's nothing between me and Leon.'

'I know,' said Lukas. 'Otherwise I'd have strangled him long ago.'

Emil fought back a chuckle. That was so Lukas. He knew everything. He was basically everywhere.

'And I wouldn't lie to my little bro,' said Lukas. 'If you really want to know, I'd say I do feel something. He fascinates me. And we're still getting to know each other. I doubt he shares the same feeling though.'

Emil stared out of the window and admired the view of the town park outside. The flowers had blossomed and kids were frolicking gleefully around the fountain. The sky was still blue and the breeze gently caressed his face.

'Why can't you be more…um…' Emil paused, trying to look for the right vocabulary.

'I thought he knew,' said Lukas. 'Maybe not.'

'Lukas,' said Emil as he turned back to glance at his brother. Lukas's smile had vanished. He looked stern again.

'Call me big brother.'

Emil blushed and pouted. 'No, you shouldn't tease Leon too much. He can't take it. He's sensitive. Even more so than me. I know you would find it hardly believable but it's true.'

Emil could vividly remember Leon's tears when he rejected him.

It was a few days before summer vacation began. They were in grade 11, having been best friends for two years or so. Leon had prepared a bouquet. He claimed to have hand-picked all the flowers from the gardening club. Lavender. It matched Emil's eyes. His confession was unnecessarily elaborated and awkward. He even made and decorated an album full of photos that captured their past memories. What he didn't expect was that Emil could never reciprocate to his feelings.

When Emil told Leon candidly that he was asexual, Leon only stood there, somewhat puzzled and ashamed. Puzzled because he was truly embarrassed and didn't know how to clear the mess he had made. Ashamed because he would forever blame himself for not noticing this side of Emil earlier. They both apologised and their friendship crumbled. Leon, unable to face Emil, started avoiding him. Emil knew Leon was crying and breaking inside. He tried to resolve their problem but before he succeeded, Leon had started going out with Arthur.

Arthur was the same age as Lukas, three years older than Leon. He was studying law at that time. He was after Leon's brother, Yao, at first but for some reason, he ended up dating Leon. Emil never got to ask for the details. He was grateful that Leon stopped avoiding him and they began to slowly mend their broken friendship. When Arthur dumped Leon, Emil was there to witness the impact. The sorrow. The shattered dreams. The false hope. He somewhat loathed Arthur for hurting Leon, but Leon kept the accusation to himself. He thought he wasn't good enough for Arthur. He knew he would never be good enough because he was just a substitute. Yao was whom Arthur craved for initially.

'I know,' said Lukas. They stopped in front of their house. Lukas kept his hands on the wheel and asked, 'If, let's say, I really date Leon, will you feel uncomfortable? If yes, I'd-'

'No,' interrupted Emil. This time, he was certain what he wanted. 'I want him to be happy. I want you to be happy too, big brother.'

**(14) A Bond**

The rain tapped against his window. Some splashed into the room and drenched the curtains. Leon lay languidly on his couch with his eyes shut. He enjoyed rainy days. More often than not, he would have zero motivation to go out and staying home simply listening to the soft symphony of nature soothed him. It was on a rainy day he met Emil. That clumsy boy forgot his umbrella and he ran around the campus like a fugitive. When Leon offered to share his umbrella with him, Emil was soaking wet. He looked like a lost child, someone Leon wanted to protect desperately.

He fell in love with Emil at first sight. His pale porcelain skin. His light blond hair. His pout. His blush. His…everything.

The doorbell broke Leon's train of thoughts. Whoever out there was torturing his ears by ringing the bell incessantly. Each time louder than the last. Leon rolled off the couch and strolled towards the door.

'Geez, I'm, like, coming!' he yelled and opened the door.

Lukas stood in front of him, soaking wet. His face was white and his glare stabbed Leon almost instantly. He shoved Leon back into his house and slammed the door shut. Leon, too thunderstruck to speak, landed on the couch when Lukas cornered him.

For a moment, he thought it was Emil.

They had both run recklessly in the rain, just to meet him.

'What-'

'Shut the fuck up,' hollered Lukas. He took out a paper ball and flung it at Leon. It took Leon a few seconds to realise that it was the cheque he had posted to Lukas several days before.

'What's the meaning of this?'

'Well, you see-'

Lukas tore the cheque into pieces. Droplets of water trickled down the ends of his hair and landed on Leon's petrified face. He stared at the remains of his cheque and balled his hands into fists.

'Are you out of your freaking mind?' he bawled at Lukas. He basically sold his beloved Mercedes and withdrew half of his stock. He didn't want to owe Lukas anything.

'Let's end this,' said Leon. This dangling relationship hanging on a loose thread had to end sooner or later. He was exhausted, both mentally and physically. He didn't want to live believing that somebody genuinely cared about him and the next moment his hope shattered. It turned out that he was just a passer-by in Lukas's life.

'No,' said Lukas firmly. He grabbed Leon's collar and yanked him up. 'I decline.'

'You had, like, no reason to help me.'

'Are you that dense?' cried Lukas. 'What else did I have to do to make you get it?'

Leon kept silent. His gaze wandered off to the ground.

'Look at me,' demanded Lukas. 'Listen to what I have to say.'

Leon blinked at Lukas and sighed. He unwrapped Lukas's hands around his collar. 'Go on.'

'We're going out.'

It sounded simple and crystal clear enough. The question that had been roaming in Leon's mind for the past few weeks seemed to disappear in the blink of an eye. Yet, he never felt relieved.

Rather, he was appalled by the unconventional way Lukas did things. Did he have to go through so much trouble just to confess? And did he have to torment his own crush and mentally scar him? Leon could never fathom how Lukas could so confidently claim things selfishly. The entire world revolved around him and Leon was nothing but a tiny chess in his play.

'Woah, that's…like a bit sudden,' responded Leon finally. Before he could try crushing Lukas's pride with a blunt rejection, Lukas said, 'You have no options by the way. Never said you had a choice.'

'What?'

'We're going out,' said Lukas. 'As lovers. That's settled. I don't want to receive any cheque again.'

'Wait, hold on a sec-'

Lukas shushed him with a fiery kiss. Leon knew he stood no chance debating with Lukas. This guy would always get what he wanted. He broke the kiss gasping for air. Lukas traced his lips along his neck and gradually reached down to his shoulder blades. He marked every inch of skin he could possibly explore, never showing mercy to Leon's sensitive areas. Leon slouched back against the couch and let Lukas unbutton his shirt. Frankly, a furious confession like this was definitely one in a billion. He still couldn't keep up with Lukas. He was always way ahead of him, stealing his thunder, destroying his integrity and disrupting his otherwise tranquil life.

'At least,' wheezed Leon. 'Give me a reason. Why me?'

'I'll let you spend your whole life figuring that out,' said Lukas plainly as he briefly exchanged a glance with Leon. He circled the boy's nipple with his thin, long fingers. Leon groaned when he felt an abrupt pinch.

'And if I, like, fail?'

Lukas bit hard onto Leon's neck, causing the boy to yelp in pain. A stream of blood stained his lips. 'Not a chance when I'm still alive.'

Leon chuckled. How romantic. Now he was monopolised and dominated for good. He wondered when Lukas was going to carve on his skin 'Lukas's property'.

**(15) Ill**

'Damn it,' coughed Lukas. His forehead was burning. His head was spinning. Fragments of his nightmare lingered. His car broke down on the highway and his urge to punch Leon was able to propel him to hop out without an umbrella and dash in the pouring rain.

Leon placed his hand on his forehead. Lukas smacked it away. So much for his pride. He shot Leon a swift glare and snuggled in the blanket, curling up like a pathetic child.

'You're, like, running a fever,' said Leon. It was rather amusing to know that someone like Lukas would fall prey to some silly germs. In all his life, he had never once imagined how Lukas would behave when he was sick. Freaking sick.

Would he whine like a kid? Would he drop his pretence and look frail? Would he throw a tantrum?

Leon chuckled, which only irritated Lukas more. He grabbed Leon's collar and growled, 'What's so funny?'

'Nothing,' said Leon. 'You were, like, pretty loud last night. My ass still hurts. Would you like me to carry you to the clinic?'

'Fuck you,' cursed Lukas. He let go of Leon. The room was whirling around him.

'You already did,' joked Leon. 'Should I tell Emil?'

'What?'

'That you're ill,' said Leon as he read Emil's messages. 'He's, like, asking if you're at my place.'

'Just tell him I'm staying over for the project,' said Lukas. 'Now leave me alone.'

'Are you sure?' Leon raised his brows dubiously. Emil was definitely not going to fall for that lie.

'Just stop talking,' grunted Lukas. He turned over and dug his head into the blanket. 'My head hurts.'

Leon sighed. He left the room and shut the door. Now, Lukas was all alone in the spacious, silent room. The heat was suffocating. He was shivering and sweating at the same time. Seriously, why would Leon leave? Well, he did lash out at him and ask him to go but then he was expecting Leon to insist on staying. He was sick. Coughing. Sweating like crazy. His heart was racing. Was Leon annoyed? Was he fed up with him?

Lukas tried to shake all those negative thoughts out of his mind. He regretted what he had said. Hell, he regretted everything he had done so far. He shouldn't have met Leon in the first place. He shouldn't have teased him so much. Now, he was so ineluctably drawn to him. He wouldn't call it an obsession. No, not yet. Morbid fascination, probably. He was dishonest, way too outspoken and downright rude. And Leon had tolerated all his smug advances and brutal tactics.

Lukas wondered how many times he had to torment Leon and inadvertently drive him away. He was always the one tidying up the mess, regretting. He was the best brother but the worst lover on Earth. That's what Mathias had said about him, also what Emil had to agree with.

'It's got to be karma,' thought Lukas. His head was suffering. Someone was squeezing his brain. He could feel the cells pop and explode. Gosh.

The door was booted open. Familiar footsteps echoed in the room. Leon grabbed a chair and sat down beside the bed. He put down a tray on the nightstand. Only then did Lukas realise that he had been hiding in the blanket grumbling inwardly for half an hour.

'Come on,' said Leon. 'I've, like, cooked you something. You can't take the pills with an empty stomach.'

Leon gave him a nudge. He half expected Lukas to yell at him to keep quiet or worse still, he might just dump the tray on the ground. Lukas slowly got up and glared at him.

'Let's, like, get you well enough to go back home,' said Leon. He took the bowl of porridge in one hand and a spoon in another. 'Seems like you don't wanna see me much.'

'Idiot,' said Lukas. He crossed his arms and croaked, 'Are you going to feed me? If yes, I'm waiting.'

Leon blinked incredulously at Lukas. Did he just ask him to feed him? Actually, he thought he might just hand the meal to Lukas and let him eat by himself.

What a tsundere.

'Um, if that's what you want,' said Leon. He scooped up a spoon of porridge and let it cool before feeding it to Lukas.

'It tastes weird,' commented Lukas, but it was delicious. He decided not to say it.

'We call it congee, actually,' said Leon.

'What's that?' Lukas pointed at the mysterious ingredients in the congee.

'Oh, um, prickled tofu, carrots and salted duck eggs,' said Leon. 'Bet you have never tried the Chinese kind of congee.'

'I have,' argued Lukas with a slight pout. 'A second ago, I just did.'

Leon laughed. Oh well, his laughter was adorable. Lukas hadn't seen him smile in a while, at least, not in front of him. He admitted that he felt jealous sometimes, whenever he saw Leon smiling so unreservedly when he was with Emil. He barely smiled when he was with him. And the more jealous he got, the more he wanted to vent it on Leon.

'So, is it really that bad?' asked Leon as he fed Lukas another spoon.

'Edible.'

'That's, like, merciless of you.' Leon giggled. He didn't know if that blush on Lukas's face was caused by his fever or it was genuine, but either way, it was absolutely tempting. Lukas cleared everything in the bowl. Leon handed him some medicine and a glass of warm water.

'You should, like, sleep,' suggested Leon.

Lukas lay down on the bed. Leon placed a wet towel on his forehead, taking the time to stroke his soft, silky bangs. Lukas's hair was a deeper shade of blond. Emil's was much lighter, almost silvery in the sunlight. Their eyes were both indigo, except that Lukas's were much darker.

'Where're you going?' asked Lukas.

'I'll, like, finish the bibliography for our project,' said Leon.

'You don't know my sources.'

'I'll figure them out,' assured Leon with a wink. 'Will be back in a moment.'

He would have stayed if Lukas had requested, but both of them knew it was impossible. Lukas would, never, ever-

'I want you to stay.'

Leon stared at Lukas in astonishment.

'Grab your laptop. Stay here.'

**(16) Feed Me**

When Leon finished typing in the last reference, he closed the Google document and left the laptop on the chair. Lukas was sleeping beside him and he actually produced the same little snores like Emil did. Leon was amazed by the subtle similarities the brothers shared. Perhaps Lukas was simply the more expressive alter-ego of Emil. They might be the same in the core.

He changed the towel, glad that Lukas's fever had abated a bit. He bent down to kiss his cheek. Soft. Smooth. Just like Emil's.

Lukas wasn't a substitute. Leon reminded himself that Lukas would always be Lukas. And if he ever knew that he had kissed him during his sleep, he would have tossed him out of the window or flung him across the room.

Or not.

He had never kissed him unless they were having sex.

Leon thought about what Lukas had said before. Why couldn't they date normally? Why was everything so difficult between them?

The more he struggled with various questions, the more he wanted to give up pondering. He simply lay down next to Lukas, who had unconsciously draped an arm around him mistaking him for an extra pillow.

They stayed like this for several hours. Leon, too, fell into a long slumber.

The smell of Leon's cooking woke him. Lukas sat up in bed and shook his head. It didn't hurt as much as before. His limbs were numb. He could vaguely remember Leon's warmth and his unique scent. He had opened his eyes a few times, coming face to face with his snoozing partner. Leon had stayed, even though Lukas was being unreasonably demanding and wicked.

And he had his own reasons.

This seed of insecurity had been planted in him long ago. It was his fault that nobody could stand him. Everyone left eventually, except his family. Emil was too precious. Tino and Berwald would always stand by him. Mathias was better as a brother and a guardian because love and conflicts tore them apart. He couldn't afford to lose anyone he considered indispensable in his life.

He wasn't sure if he could keep Leon forever. He would have caged him if he could. Leon was different. They shared no blood relationships. They weren't sworn brothers. They didn't grow up together.

He was a new island he discovered. He had been sailing aimlessly across oceans and continents. Now presented to him was a completely wondrous treasure. Lukas couldn't guarantee he was the sole one in Leon's eyes but he wanted this treasure so bad that he would kill and hurt someone if he had to. He secretly wished that it wouldn't come true.

'Would you like some noodles and soup?' asked Leon as he entered the room with a tray.

'What kind of soup?' asked Lukas curiously. It smelled appetising.

'Sweet corn pork rib,' said Leon. He let Lukas take a look of the tray. 'Are you, like, feeling better?'

'Yea, thought I might take a bath first,' said Lukas. He couldn't stand the dirty sweat adhering to his skin. 'I'll come back when the food cools down.'

He got out of bed and walked towards the bathroom. 'You got any extra clothes?'

'Yes.'

Leon quickly followed Lukas out of the room and prepared a set of clothes for him to change into after his bath.

'I'll wait in the sitting room,' said Leon. He sat on the couch and switched on the telly. He went through different channels and eventually settled on a sit-com.

Some time later, a pair of hands suddenly ghosted around him and a warm kiss was planted on his neck from behind. Lukas had come out of the bath. His hair and eyelashes were wet. He looked so pale his skin seemed to be sparkling.

'What?' Lukas shrugged. 'Can't I kiss you?'

'No, that's not-'

Lukas kissed him again, this time, right on his lips. It was the first time Lukas was kissing him gently and affectionately, not violently trying to tear off his lips or fervently tasting his blood.

They broke the kiss and stared at each other for a moment.

'Where's my dinner?'

'I'll go get it.' Leon stood up and went into the kitchen, where he had kept the tray. Lukas sat at the dining table with his chin in his palms and a rather confident smirk on his face.

'What're you waiting for?' said Lukas. 'Feed me, idiot.'

Leon rolled his eyes.

He began to question his sensibility. Just what exactly made him fall for this awful guy with an ego larger than the whole universe? He didn't know. He would never know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and encouragement so far :D I'd love to end this story well, but of course, it's got to be a little bit heart-breaking in the middle XD


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why, but I keep making Leon a depressing character. I kinda feel sad while writing this. But then again, a story needs to be driven by conflicts. And I don't write without any insights. I do know someone very close to me who has an extremely controlling, manipulative and demanding partner (don't ask me why they still haven't broken up). Relationship is like a roller coaster ride for them. Just hope that this chapter won't sound too tragic to you all xd

**(17) The Sea**

The waves splashed gently against his feet. The water rose to his shin. It was cool enough to make him shiver, but not cold enough to freeze him. Leon stared at the gigantic egg yolk ahead. Half of it was hidden behind the horizon. The light emitted illuminated his face, half of which was covered by his red-and-black checked scarf. He had rolled up his sleeves and his jeans. The sand felt soft and smooth under his bare feet. Spotless. Pure. Heavenly.

It was Lukas’s suggestion though. They had submitted their project and gone for tea. Again, Leon wasn’t sure if it counted as a date. There were many things he was uncertain about and he didn’t bother to explore the truth. Sometimes, truth could be devastating. It could frustrate and annoy someone. Neither of them felt repulsed at the moment so they reckoned each other’s company a tolerable daily routine.

They seldom went for movies because they could never agree on what to watch. Lukas would be watching horror and Leon would be insisting on action or sci-fic. Dinning was fine since both of them were gluttons and all kinds of cuisines appealed to them. A stroll in the park would turn into a competitive race to the nearest downtown. A casual walk in the mall would suddenly become a frenzy of shopping and extravagant spending. So, most of the time, the two boys were just wandering on the streets. They weren’t even conversing or holding hands. They walked side by side, each browsing different things from different shops which they never entered. Hands in their pockets, they ambled down the road like two strangers. Yet, they stood too close to be called strangers. They were never affectionate when they were out. No kisses. No hugs. No contact. Once they were indoors, they got down to crazy make-out, endless moans and sex.

Peculiar. That was the only word Leon would use to describe their relationship.

So close, yet so far.

When Lukas asked if he would like to go to the seaside, he only shrugged and nodded his head. Lukas wasn’t the romantic type. He never planned anything for their ‘dates’ and Leon didn’t really mind that. He didn’t need someone clingy or overly expressive. He just needed to know that someone was there for him. Maybe loving him.

The beach was empty. It was as though they had booked the entire land. It felt wondrous and free. Once in a while, Leon needed some tranquillity. Here, there was no noise, no sight of people, just a plain blue sea that glittered with the setting sun.

When the sun disappeared, the moon would come up.

He wished this moment could last forever.

And deep down, he wished Lukas could never let go of him. All the feelings of being loved, protected and owed came back to him. It washed away his problems and nightmares.

When Lukas hugged him from behind, bringing him a cup of hot chocolate, Leon became conscious again of their height difference. He was still half a head shorter than Lukas and it seemed perfect because Lukas could just easily close the distance with a slight lowering of his head. His lips came in contact with Leon’s left cheek.

Now, Leon knew why Lukas took him to the seaside.

He probably didn’t want to be intimate in front of the public. Sometimes, Leon would see him blush but he forced himself not to dwell too much on Lukas’s shy expression. He was wild, violent and merciless in bed. It was just incredible. His lover was incredible.

‘Why would you stand in the water?’ asked Lukas. His arms were still around Leon.

‘I don’t know,’ replied Leon. ‘I, like, haven’t been here for a while.’

And then, he remembered when he last came here and it tormented him. He didn’t want to look back at the hotel near the beach.

‘Would you like to sit down instead?’ asked Leon. He turned around and focused his eyes on Lukas’s pale, handsome face.

‘Up to you.’

So, they found a spot and settled down. Leon started fiddling with the sand and Lukas slouched against him on one side. Neither of them spoke. They just watched the illuminating sun and drowned themselves in the peace.

They stayed like this for half an hour, when the sun almost vanished from the horizon.

‘Emil said you used to come here,’ said Lukas. Leon stayed silent and glanced at the darkened sky. ‘He said you like the sea.’

‘I lived in a coastal city when I was small,’ explained Leon. ‘Like, really, really far away from here.’

‘Oh.’ Lukas nodded as he listened. ‘In Hong Kong?’

‘Yes.’

‘How was it?’

‘I forgot,’ Leon lied. Most of his childhood memories were composed of his parents arguing and quarrelling with each other. There were images of furniture being tossed around and pills that piled up in his mother’s bedroom.

‘Did you come here with someone before?’ asked Lukas.

Leon would have thought Emil had told his brother everything, but it seemed that Emil did value his privacy. The one he used to come here with was Arthur and he had no intention to tell Lukas that.

‘Yea,’ said Leon. ‘But, like, quite some time ago.’

And as he looked out to the rimless horizon, he remembered everything.

‘Are you alright?’ Now, Lukas was staring at him. Only then did Leon realise that he was squeezing the empty paper cup.

‘You wanna know why I like to stand in the water?’ Leon smiled faintly at Lukas. He pointed to the dark water. ‘At night, it’s cold, like really really cold. So cold you would feel all your senses being wiped away. Frozen. Dead. It feels amazing. You will walk slowly and with each step, it will, like, cover more of your body. Like you’re going back into the egg you once hatched from, except that the water is cold. Cold enough to make you forget stuff. Everything that has happened since birth and you feel amazing. Just amazing.’

Leon paused, his eyes flickering as he gazed at the welcoming sea.

‘When your head is fully immersed, it’s like you’ve become part of the Earth. That’s something.’

Lukas didn’t say a thing. He followed Leon’s gaze and looked at the sea. He couldn’t picture what Leon had done out there before. Maybe he had tried to walk into the water and drown himself?

‘And no, it’s not as frightening as you think it is,’ said Leon. His gaze fell back on Lukas’s beautiful blond curls. He started twiddling them. ‘It’s, like, the whole world has abandoned you and you can abandon it as well. Just wonderful.’

And there were tears in his eyes.

**(18) A Disease**

Depression was a disease. It haunted him. It infected him. Probably until his death.

Even though he had everything he could have asked for, he felt empty. Insecure. He once destroyed his genuine friendship with Emil. He once ran away from a family he recognised. He feared that one day he would break the thread with Lukas.

‘I’m, like, sorry,’ muttered Leon.

He hated it when he broke down. Worse still, he broke down in front of Lukas.

‘You talk too much,’ whispered Lukas. He cupped his cheeks and started licking the tears that trickled down from his eyes.

‘It makes things worse,’ said Lukas.

‘You know what,’ sighed Leon. ‘I wasn’t supposed to tell you this much. It’s, like, pointless anyway.’

‘Not really,’ argued Lukas as he pinned Leon down and straddled him. ‘I’d love to hear it- everything about you.’

‘Well then, I might, like, have to disappoint you,’ said Leon with a chuckle. ‘I’m not an interesting person.’

‘Everything about you interests me so,’ said Lukas.

He bent down and kissed the boy hard, sucking his lips and intruding his cavern. Leon felt a hand slip underneath his shirt, slowly making its way to his chest and nipples. Kisses were planted along his neck. Marks scattered across his shoulder blades. He groaned and held Lukas’s head closer to him. The blond started fumbling with his belt. He undid Leon’s belt and pulled down his jeans. The wind got colder but Lukas was on top of him blocking it all. He asked Leon to suck his fingers, with which the brown-haired boy complied.

After preparing him, Lukas let his length break free from the confinements and positioned himself above his partner. He entered the boy while biting down his bottom lip. Leon moaned and tightened his legs around Lukas’s hips. Neither of them even worried for a single second that someone might discover them. Lukas began to thrust his shaft deep into Leon, who cooperated well with his hips and his twitching entrance. Sex was the language they used to communicate. From the very beginning, Lukas had taken an interest in him. His love was fiery. Fearless. And unfathomable. He let it all out in sex.

The forceful thrusts. The persistent coercion. The feral moans and the incessant marking.

It was cold out there on the beach, but they were sweating.

Lukas rammed deep into him and pulled out halfway before slamming his length back in.

‘You know what feels better than standing in the water?’ Lukas smirked as he whispered into Leon’s reddened ear.

‘W-What,’ Leon managed to mumble. He had a hand over his eyes and Lukas undoubtedly brushed it away and pinned it down.

‘No, no, don’t cover your beautiful erotic face,’ said Lukas. ‘Don’t you enjoy this?’

‘Shut up-’

‘Admit it,’ continued Lukas, thrusting harder into his partner. ‘It feels better than in the water.’

‘What are you-’

‘You know what you need when you want to forget things?’ said Lukas. He moved his hips faster, causing Leon to groan. ‘My cock. Remember it.’

‘Pervert,’ grunted Leon.

‘They won’t believe you even if you say so.’ Lukas’s smile irritated him to the core and yet it was so tantalising. ‘You’re the one who made me a pervert.’

He wished Lukas could just stop feeding him with dirty talks.

‘Gosh, stroke me,’ requested Leon.

‘What?’

‘Stroke me, Lukas.’

‘I can’t really hear you,’ said Lukas. ‘You’ve got to try harder to let everyone know you’re enjoying this.’

Leon growled and took the initiative to kiss Lukas. He pushed him back so that he was sitting on him, his legs wrapped tightly around Lukas’s hips. He moved up and down, synchronising with Lukas’s thrusts. He broke the kiss and stared into Lukas’s eyes. ‘Stroke me, please.’

‘If that makes you feel better, sure,’ said Lukas, seemingly satisfied with his eagerness. He fondled Leon’s length and started stroking it. Leon’s face burrowed deep into Lukas’s shoulder. Their moans echoed with the waves. It was getting hotter and they were inching towards their peaks. All they heard were each other’s voices and the slapping of their skin. Leon grunted as he came, his cum dripping down from its tip onto Lukas’s hand. Lukas ended it with a hard thrust, causing Leon’s muscles to tighten around him. He came with a low groan. The two of them stayed motionless for a while, simply panting and indulging in the passing sensation of bliss.

Leon’s cheeks were red and puffy when Lukas looked at them again.

At least, it wasn’t caused by the tears. That’s all he needed to know.

**(19) Realisation**

Happiness usually didn’t last long for Leon. His whole damn life had been a roller coaster ride. Once it reached its peak, it plummeted to the bottom again. He thought he could live to a day when all the scars vanished from his wrist but it seemed that a wristband was always required.

When he woke up in bed, Lukas was gone. He scanned the familiar setting. The familiar pale blue curtains and the sparkling chandelier. The same floor tile and rose decorations on the wall. The same layout. He could vaguely remember where the kettle was located in the cabinet and the hairdryer that was hidden in the lowest drawer. Who would have thought that he could come to this place twice, each with a different partner?

Lukas’s phone was left on the nightstand. Leon could’ve peeked through it but he decided not to do so. There was not such a need either. He just got off bed and dressed himself. He searched the room and couldn’t find Lukas. He eventually left the hotel room and walked down the hallway. It was two in the morning and his lids were half falling.

Once he got down to the ground floor, he walked into the lobby decorated with golden wallpapers, expensive artworks and luxurious decors.  The lady at the reception table smiled cordially at him and asked if there was something he needed. Leon said he was looking for his partner. After giving a brief description of Lukas, the lady immediately pointed out that she had seen him buy something from the restaurant and walk away with two other guests.

Leon shrugged and headed to the lounge, where he successfully found Lukas chatting with two other boys. One had shaggy light brown hair dressed in a large red trench coat. He even had a small top hat with two ribbons on his head. Somehow, when he talked, his canines showed as if he had two fangs. The other boy was…

Leon widened his eyes. Even though Lukas had his back facing him and had the blond-haired boy half covered, Leon recognised those green eyes.

He took a step back and frowned.

Why? Why would Lukas know Arthur? And why were they chatting so leisurely and happily?

A thought crossed his mind. He tried to shake it off but the sight of Arthur destroyed the last bit of his optimism.

The boy with fangs was the first to notice his existence. He stopped talking to Lukas and blinked curiously at Leon.

‘Lukas, do you know that boy?’

When Lukas turned around, Leon took another step back.

‘Leon?’ It came from Arthur, who hadn’t changed much. He still had that head of messy dark blond curls and striking thick eyebrows which Leon used to admire. His tone still carried sarcasm and scorn that never failed to make Leon obey everything he said. He glanced at Leon inquisitively as if they had been missing each other for years. Leon could almost hear the teasing from Arthur’s heart.

The chatters stopped and everyone’s smile was frozen. They all stared at Leon as if he was an alien.

Of course, he was the alien. How could he be so foolish? Being tricked once was enough and he still hadn’t learnt his lesson.

Leon felt the heat return to his cheeks. He raced back to his room and packed his stuff. Lukas, utterly confused by his abrupt behaviour, ran after him. When he entered the room, Leon had already zipped his bag and he headed straight towards the door.

‘Leon? You’re awake?’ asked Lukas.

Leon didn’t say anything. He walked past Lukas.

‘Wait, where’re you going?’ Lukas grabbed his wrist and frowned.

‘Home,’ muttered Leon. He tried to free himself from Lukas’s grip but Lukas refused to let go.

‘What the hell? At a time like this?’ growled Lukas. ‘We’re staying overnight!’

‘Not anymore,’ said Leon coldly as he flung off Lukas’s hand.

‘What’s wrong with you?’ Lukas’s eyes glimmered with fury as he pulled Leon back into the room and pushed him against the wall. ‘We’re not going home!’

‘I am,’ said Leon. He pushed Lukas back, which shocked the blond. ‘You can, like, stay here for as long as you want but I’m leaving.’

‘What’s going on?’ asked Lukas. He grabbed Leon’s elbow his time. ‘Are you nuts?’

Leon stood still and glared at Lukas.

‘Are you cry-’

‘I don’t think this is funny,’ said Leon. He tried his best to hold back his tears. ‘You think I’m a joke to you? So you didn’t just have a bet with Mathias, but with Arthur too? If you think this is fun, you should, like, lay off.’

‘What?’ Lukas’s brows were almost creased together. He had no idea what Leon was saying. Nor did he have any idea why he was sobbing and quivering in rage.

When Lukas stepped forward, Leon shoved him away- the first time he ever rejected his advance so bluntly and retaliated with violence. Lukas landed on the floor. Leon looked guilty for a second but then his wrath overtook him. Tears flooded his eyes.

‘I hate you,’ he mumbled. ‘Lukas Bondevik. Don’t let me ever see you again.’

He stormed out of the hotel room, leaving the door almost unhinged.

Lukas sat on the floor. His butt ached, but not as much as his heart.

The word ‘hate’ lingered in his ears and he didn’t even have the time to ask- **_‘What did I even do, damn it.’_**

**(20) Relief**

When Arthur broke up with him, they were celebrating their first anniversary in the hotel.

They even had sex that night. Arthur called it a ‘good-bye sex’.

The next morning, he told Leon that they should probably stop seeing each other. Leon took it as a joke at first but the solemn face Arthur made while taking a puff on his cigarette convinced him otherwise. He asked for the reason and Arthur was more than glad to give him one.

He had fallen in love with another boy.

And Leon was just a substitute to replace Yao, whom Arthur had pursued before but failed to tame. Leon had thought he meant something to Arthur at least. He was nothing like Yao. Well yea, they might have come from the same family and were brothers at that but Yao was talkative, frugal and pretty much conservative. Leon was a whole lot different, but then again, to Arthur, both of them were just young orientals with girlish facial features, attractive dark hair, porcelain skin you would want to carve for good and utterly beguiling body one would ravage over and over again. At that time, Yao had a Russian best friend with a large built. Ivan almost allowed nobody to go near Yao at all. Arthur began to divert his attention to the little brother that was always following Yao around. He wasn’t as mesmerising as Yao. He looked dull, reticent and rather frail inside, but Arthur could still have fun with that.

A broken heart was the hardest to mend, but Arthur’s sweet lies were something else. They made Leon believe that Emil’s rejection wasn’t the end of the world but rather the beginning of a new-found relationship. Arthur gave him everything he wanted. He bought him stuff. He taught him things. He helped him get over his deteriorating friendship with Emil.

So, why would an angel lead you to heaven and suddenly send you back to hell? Leon didn’t understand it.

When Arthur broke ties with him, he cried. He only let his tears show after Arthur left the hotel room. He was abandoned. Sitting naked on the bed. Like a lost child. A bird without wings.

That night, he walked along the seaside and ventured deep into the sea. The waves were huge and the water was freezing. He floated there for a long time. Aimlessly. Like a piece of garbage.

Leon knocked on Yong Soo’s door for the third time. Following the sounds of a glass shattering and a chair toppling over, the door was opened. Yong Soo met him with his tousled hair and sleepy eyes. His pyjamas top was buttoned incorrectly and it was oversized.

‘Dude, what’s up?’ Yong Soo yawned. ‘It’s the middle of the night, man.’

‘I think I will, like, crash in here for a while,’ said Leon.

‘Oh, sure.’ Yong Soo let Leon in and closed the door. One thing Leon liked about Yong Soo was that he was always so random and carefree. Unlike Yao, who would ask this and that, Yong Soo would just help out when he requested.

‘Thought you’d have picked a better time, bro,’ said Yong Soo. He tried to pick up some garbage from the floor. ‘I’d have cleaned this place up a little.’

‘Don’t worry,’ said Leon. ‘I’ll just take the couch.’

‘Is something wrong?’ asked Yong Soo. He was fully awake now. ‘I haven’t seen you for a while and you didn’t call. Heard people say that you’re going out with that…what’s his name again? Anyway, you got evacuated or what?’

‘Nah,’ said Leon. He had already put down his backpack and lay down on Yong Soo’s couch. ‘Just some…issues. And I need some company.’

‘What about Emil?’ asked Yong Soo and he immediately regretted it. When Leon closed his eyes silently, Yong Soo knew he was trying hard not to cry in front of him. Leon turned his back towards him and curled up his body.

Yong Soo got him a pillow and a blanket. He switched off the lights and decided to let the boy calm down for the night.

‘Thank you,’ mumbled Leon, his voice full of sorrow and exhaustion.

Yong Soo was still sleeping when Leon woke up. Everything occurred to him like a terrible dream. He made his way to the bathroom and cleared his head with a hot bath.

Water- hot or cold, it was soothing. It sedated him. It made him forget.

Then, he remembered Lukas’s words.

He must have been an idiot to let Lukas bang him so many times.

He must have been a fool to even believe for a brief second that he might love and care for him.

Who was he to deceive?

Arthur didn’t love him. He just enjoyed being his saviour and then shattered his dreams altogether and tormented his heart.

Lukas didn’t love him. He just had a bet with his buddies and enjoyed the erotic, degrading sight of him being fucked by a cock.

Nobody loved him.

It was the truth.

And it was devastating.

Even he, himself, hated the person he had turned out to be. Low. Dirty. Brainless.

He caught sight of a razor in the cabinet. Why was he still existing? He wondered.

When the blade cut deep into his wrist, all he felt was the warm water enveloping him and the tears that drenched his face. His slice was slow, wide and deep. He made sure he wallowed in it. The water turned crimson and it looked ever so beautiful, like a bottle of ink had been tossed into the tub and the flowers slowly blossomed with spreading petals.

So warm. So hypnotising. So comfortable.

One slice. Two slices. Three slices.

He cut himself repeatedly until his wrist was lined with fresh, open wounds. He felt nothing.

The water had taken all his senses. The pain. The happiness. Memories.

He sank deep into the tub. There, he no longer heard his cries. He saw red…white…black.

Amazing. Just amazing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try to update this as soon as possible :) I'm so busy with work and I've caught a freaking cold. To make it worse, I'm dealing with some relationship shit at the moment. Until next time! :P


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A rather long chapter, I guess (?) Just felt that there needs to be some some resolution. There's still gonna be some angst. Well then, until next time! :D Thanks for all your support! <3

**(21) Breathing**

He heard voices. Faint. Husky. Tremulous. Then he saw lights. White. Bright. Painful.

Yong Soo was calling his name. He was shaking him frantically. Leon lifted his left hand to cover the light.  His wrist was wrapped in bandages. Who had patched him up?

Next to Yong Soo he saw a familiar face he didn’t expect to see. Emil.

He looked pale, terrified and dreary. Leon wasn’t sure if his vision was getting blurred or if those were really tears in Emil’s eyes. He was yelling his name. Strange.

‘Damn it, Leon, wake up!’

Yong Soo’s last call. He pulled Leon up before Emil got to stop him.

‘You’re hurting him!’ cried Emil.

‘He’s hurting himself!’ argued Yong Soo.

Leon steadied himself on the bed. He shut his eyes and opened them again, just to make sure he was not dreaming. Then, he found himself in Yong Soo’s room. He recognised those excessive posters of Korean pop stars on the wall, the disarrayed clothes and undergarments that roamed the place, accompanied by snack packages and wrappers. When he sat up, he saw himself in the mirror attached on Yong Soo’s wardrobe. Hell, he looked awful. His eyes were sunken and his face was pallid as if he had been malnourished for years. His hair was soaked and his lips were dry.

‘Thank God,’ cried Emil. He tackled him into a bear hug. Leon didn’t even have time to react before Yong Soo hollered, ‘What’s wrong with you? You crashed in here just to cut yourself? Seriously?’

Leon didn’t hug Emil back. He was the last person he wanted to see at that moment. He covered his face in embarrassment and sighed.

Why didn’t they let him die? He didn’t have to wake up to confront the mess he had made.

‘We almost called the ambulance,’ said Emil. He grabbed Leon’s shoulders apprehensively. ‘What’s going on? Why did you hurt yourself?’

‘Can you just leave me alone?’ requested Leon.

‘No,’ Emil rejected instantly. ‘If Yong Soo hadn’t called me, I wouldn’t have known you’re here. Lukas has been looking for you!’

‘Tell us what’s going on!’ urged Yong Soo impatiently. He almost had a heart attack when he entered the bathroom and saw a tub full of blood. He had to dash to the tub and dug Leon out before he drowned. When he carried Leon out of the tub, his wrist was bleeding incessantly. Blood kept gushing out. If Leon hadn’t been breathing then, Yong Soo would’ve deemed him dead. He almost cried.

He called Emil right away.

‘Sorry,’ mumbled Leon expressionlessly. ‘But can you, like, let me rest? I’m…really tired.’

‘We can’t help you if you don’t tell us the problem,’ insisted Emil. He leaned closer to Leon. ‘Please. We don’t want to see you like this.’

‘I’m fine.’

‘You’re not!’ shouted Yong Soo. ‘Why do you keep lying to us? You’re not fine at all. You’re messed up. You’re hurting yourself and we need to know why! We’re friends. Don’t you trust us?’

‘It has nothing to do with you,’ said Leon plainly. ‘It’s my issue.’

‘It has something to do with Lukas, right?’ asked Emil. Leon looked away and shook his head. No, he had to endure it. He couldn’t cry in front of Emil.

‘He’s looking for you,’ said Emil. ‘I should tell him you’re here-’

‘No,’ interrupted Leon. ‘Don’t ever do that.’

‘Something’s happened between you and Lukas and you’re not telling me!’

‘Because it doesn’t concern you!’ cried Leon and it hurt when he lifted his left hand. The bandages were stained with his blood.

‘We need to get you to the hospital,’ said Yong Soo.

‘No.’ Leon flailed his arms and pushed Yong Soo away. ‘Leave me alone.’

Emil smacked him. Right across the face.

It stung. Even more so when the tears rolled down his cheeks. He curled up his body and hugged his knees, burying his face into the blanket.

‘Please, leave.’

And if he had lifted his face, he would have seen that Emil was weeping.

He blamed himself for this. Everything started when he rejected Leon’s confession. If he hadn’t been asexual, if he had gone out with Leon, maybe none of these would have happened. Leon wouldn’t have dated Arthur. He wouldn’t have got dumped. He wouldn’t have got into the whole compensated dating business and forsaken himself. He wouldn’t have met Lukas and got into fights with him. He wouldn’t have hurt himself to quell the pain only to bring more agony to himself.

If he had been able to love Leon, to protect him, to make him happy…

They wouldn’t be facing each other in the same room with tears of regret and misery now.

Why.

‘I’m, like, truly sorry, Emil,’ mumbled Leon, his voice hardly audible as he kept his face hidden in the blanket. ‘I know you’re worried, but…but this is my fault. I need to, like, get through it myself. I’ll solve it eventually. I just, like, need some time to heal. Can you-’

Leon looked up and wiped off his tears. He forced a smile on his face. Emil hated it when he was trying to act tough. He was nowhere near tough. So much of boasting about his Kung Fu and fighting skills. His heart was as fragile as a glass figurine. It broke upon a slight crush. Into a thousand pieces and Emil always had to pick them up; glue them back together and reassure him that everything would be fine.

When Emil hugged him, Leon felt himself sinking deeper into the abyss. He was hopeless. He always had to be rescued by someone. This time, it hurt even more because Emil’s arms felt exactly like Lukas’s.

The same warmth. The same scent. The same beating heart.

They were brothers. Their feelings were connected. They messed with the same boy.

And Leon had fallen for both of them. What a fool.

‘Tell me what’s wrong with you and Lukas,’ said Emil, his voice softened and sweet. ‘Then I’ll consider not telling him where you are.’

Instead of shoving him away, Leon clung to Emil. He was ineluctably drawn to his scent, to his warm chest and the heart that seemingly only raced for him.

‘We broke up,’ said Leon. ‘No, I, like, broke up with him.’

Yong Soo sighed and sat down on the floor.

Emil tightened his arms around Leon and nodded.

‘Understood,’ he said. ‘I’ll fix it for you. Now you sleep.’

He let go of Leon and laid him down. He changed his bandages and asked him not to move too much.

Leon wasn’t sure what he meant by ‘fixing it’ for him, but he was running out of energy. He felt dizzy and worn out. When Emil draped the blanket on him, he tugged on his sleeve.

‘Don’t tell him.’

‘Okay,’ promised Emil. ‘Night, bae.’

**(22) Company**

‘So, what’re we supposed to do?’ asked Yong Soo as he walked out of the room with Emil.

Emil pondered for a while before looking sternly at the Korean boy.

‘I’ll talk to Lukas,’ he said. ‘You stay here and make sure he doesn’t cut himself or do whatever shit that kills him, okay?’

‘Is it gonna fix anything at all?’ sighed Yong Soo. He was a little pissed that he got dragged into this. He had seen Leon smile so frequently before Emil decided to turn him down. First it was Emil. Then Arthur. Now Emil’s brother.

Everyone Leon had gone out with was some sort of an ‘asshole’ in Yong Soo’s opinion. Of course, he wouldn’t say this in Emil’s face. Leon cared so deeply for this boy he allowed no such insults to be thrown at him. He would rather bear the humiliation himself.

And Yong Soo admitted that he, himself, was an ‘asshole’ too. He had messed with tons of people and most recently, a drop-dead gorgeous girl from Belarus who had vowed to murder him if he took it as a fling. He was hiding from some gangsters at the moment.

‘Look, Emil,’ said Yong Soo as he walked Emil to the door. ‘I don’t get the whole relationship thing between you and Leon and that brother of yours, but can you just fucking fix this as soon as possible? He’s my friend. Actually, we’re sworn brothers so I honestly don’t wanna see any more of his blood da-ze. He doesn’t need to be hurt twice by the same person.’

‘I got it,’ said Emil. He put on his shoes and stepped out of the apartment. ‘I’ll see what I can do. You’re not the only one who cares, jerk.’

Yong Soo rolled his eyes. He slammed the door and brooded over the idea of throwing a party. Perhaps that might cheer Leon up a little.

He quickly grabbed his phone and texted all his buddies. Only Alfred and Matthew agreed to come, as expected. At least, Alfred was bringing along one of his friends, Kiku and Matthew said he would come with Gilbert.

Shortly after his message was sent, a series of knocks came on the door. Yong Soo invited the guests in and shushed them. They inquired about Leon’s well-being and Yong Soo explained to them that the boy was going through some trouble. They all glanced at Yong Soo curiously but didn’t delve into the matter with probing questions.

‘Why don’t you help me clean this place first and we decorate the room and prepare the food before he wakes up?’

‘Dude, is that why you called us here?’ Alfred whined, crossing his arms with a pout. ‘To clean your freaking dirty place?’

‘Quiet, Alfie,’ reminded Matthew. ‘Didn’t Yong Soo just say Leon’s asleep?’

Gilbert suddenly bounced down the corridor, apparently having popped his head into Yong Soo’s room. ‘Yeppie, he’s fast asleep!’

‘Sh!’ Matthew dragged Gilbert to the middle of the sitting room and instructed him to clear the garbage on the floor.

‘I’ll set up the video games,’ suggested Kiku. He unpacked his bags and took out some game consolers, accidentally dropping a couple of porn magazines and hentai DVDs. Alfred made a gagging noise before Matthew smacked him upside the head.

Kiku quickly stuffed the DVDs back into his bag and blushed immensely. Yong Soo made a grimace.

‘Kiku…you surprise me sometimes,’ added Gilbert.

‘They’re for Francis,’ justified Kiku. ‘Please don’t misunderstand.’

‘We can still watch them, right?’ asked Alfred.

Matthew clamped his hand over his mouth.

‘Go clear the toilet, Alfie.’

**(23) Search**

Lukas broke into Leon’s apartment with the extra key. He basically turned the place upside down. Leon must have anticipated this because he had packed his stuff and left.

‘Damn it,’ cursed Lukas as he kicked the coffee table. He hadn’t felt this indignant in a while. The feeling of wanting to destroy every piece of furniture, summoning all the demons from hellfire and experimenting with all kinds of voodoo only happened once- that was when he found Mathias messing with Alfred and Gilbert. Now he felt a brand-new kind of rage, not towards Leon, but towards whatever that ruined their relationship.

Leon hadn’t told him the entire truth. He didn’t even know the cause.

All this time, he thought he owned Leon but then the boy slipped away just as easily as he barged into his life.

Lukas was frustrated with himself. How did he let this happen?

 ‘Brother?’

That voice calmed him. It always had this magical power to comfort him. In his absolute despair, Lukas turned around, coming face to face with Emil.

‘I figured you’d be here,’ said Emil.

He didn’t say another word. He just scurried towards Lukas and embraced him. He did the same when Lukas broke down after quarrelling with Mathias. Lukas was swearing, yelling, sobbing and tossing things around. Emil called out to his brother and Lukas stood still. When he hugged him, he returned his hug and mumbled an apology.

‘I’m sorry,’ apologised Lukas. He hugged Emil back more tightly. ‘Something happened between me and Leon. I’m not even sure what’s wrong.’

‘I know,’ said Emil understandingly. ‘That’s why I’m here- to help you figure it out.’

Lukas felt much calmer after hearing Emil’s words. They sat down on the couch and Emil began to ask him questions. Lukas told him what he knew and how Leon’s mood changed drastically in the hotel before he bolted out furiously.

‘Did I scare him?’ Lukas frowned and then decided it shouldn’t have been the cause. ‘Did I do something wrong?’

‘Gosh,’ sighed Emil. ‘Did you just say you bumped into Vladimir and Arthur in the hotel?’

‘Yea,’ explained Lukas. ‘I was grabbing some mid-night snack from the restaurant. Seems like they had a party in the hotel with other members from the Magic Club.’

‘I thought you quit.’

‘I did,’ said Lukas. They all knew what happened during his fight with Mathias. He summoned a spirit and it still lingered in the house. At least, it was harmless and was pretty much a goofy troll.

‘Lukas, listen,’ said Emil seriously. ‘I should’ve told you this earlier. Leon and Arthur used to date each other.’

Lukas stared at him incredulously.

‘He didn’t tell you this?’ asked Emil nervously.

‘That bastard.’

‘I thought you know everything about him,’ said Emil. ‘I mean, you stalked him before you went on the first date with him, right?’

‘That’s on the compensated dating app,’ said Lukas in an irritated tone. ‘And you hide everything from me on Facebook. His Facebook only shows his prank videos and silly ass puns. Not to mention that his instagram is full of his selfies and materialistic snaps. Get a life, you two. I’m freaking mad now.’

Emil held back a chuckle. Lukas was back to normal.

‘Bro, I’m serious,’ said Emil. He looked at Lukas with pleading eyes. ‘It didn’t end that well- I mean, the thing between him and Arthur. And seeing you with Arthur might have caused a…um…’

‘Fucking misunderstanding,’ grunted Lukas. He crossed his legs and growled, ‘He thinks I had a bet with Arthur. Do I honestly look like the brutal type who messes around with people’s hearts for a pointless bet?’

‘You do, frankly speaking.’

Lukas sighed and covered his face with his hands. ‘God, Emil, I’m so mad. So mad at myself. I didn’t want to dig out his past because it doesn’t really matter to me. I don’t care who he once was, who he has been, whom he has dated and confessed to. I’m seeing the present him. He’s got to know this.’

‘Um... it does look like he’s living as if there’s no tomorrow,’ said Emil. ‘But then, when I come to think of it, he probably lives extravagantly to forget stuff. He’s been dwelling on the past all along. Tomorrow doesn’t matter to him because he could probably-’

At this point, Emil didn’t want to say what he feared the most.

Leon would hurt himself because he didn’t care about the future. He had no intention to face it at all. All the regrets and mistakes from the past had been restraining him, trapping him in a cage. He was unable to free himself, to let go or to fly at all.

The first rope started with Emil.

‘Emil,’ said Lukas in a low voice. He gazed at the ground through the gaps between his fingers. ‘Where is Leon?’

This was probably the first time Lukas ever used such a serious, interrogative tone to talk to him. Emil knew that the feeling Lukas claimed to have had to be true and sincere.

But a promise was a promise.

‘I don’t know.’

And Emil was willing to lie for Leon because he knew Leon would do the same.

‘You’re lying.’

Yet, Lukas, sharp as he was, would always unravel the truth.

‘Emil.’

Lukas placed his hands on Emil’s shoulders. His gaze softened, his voice gentle and tired. ‘You know where he is, right?’

Emil nodded.

‘Safe?’

Emil tilted his head.

‘Sort of.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘He’s really depressed at the moment, Lukas,’ said Emil. He recalled the horrendous sight of Leon inflicting pain on himself; the blood that seeped through his fresh slits and the ghostly expression he made with his pasty face. ‘I’m not sure if it’s ever a good idea for you to…you know…’

‘I got it.’

Lukas nodded. Much to Emil’s surprise, his brother didn’t persist. Instead, he looked rather relieved and sober.

‘My bad,’ sighed Lukas. ‘I’ll see him when he feels better. I think he confides in you. I’m not gonna make you break your promise to him.’

‘What’re you planning to do?’ asked Emil.

Lukas stood up and stretched his arms. He ran his fingers through his uncombed hair and shrugged.

‘Get a hot bath, some sleep and probably look for that idiot on my own.’

Emil stood up and followed his brother out of Leon’s apartment.

‘Are you sure?’

‘Can you do me a favour?’ asked Lukas. He held Emil’s hand as they left the building together. ‘Go and check up on him. See if he’s alright. Stop him from doing crazy shit and well, if you have a chance, tell him I didn’t have a fucking bet with Arthur. He’s just a friend, damn it. And I’m most uninterested in his past love life. Thank you.’

Emil laughed and nodded his head enthusiastically.

‘That’s my lil’ brother.’ Lukas ruffled his hair and kissed his forehead.

**(24) Vindication**

Four days after Leon had cut himself in the tub, his wounds began to clot. He made a mental note to himself that he ought to slice even deeper next time, with a knife, a cutter or whatever that could pierce his flesh and bone.

Yong Soo’s party rolled on as everyone was taking their semester break then. The boys didn’t pressure Leon or ask him excessive questions. They watched movies, played board and video games, had a feast every day. Sometimes, Gilbert would volunteer to dance while Alfred rapped. Matthew had fun singing karaoke even though his voice was barely audible. Kiku entertained everyone with the latest anime he had downloaded from the internet and the erotic manga he drew.

Yong Soo asked Leon to stop worrying and thinking altogether.

One day, Yong Soo came back with an awful bruise on his left cheek. He had been chased by a couple of gangsters who ambushed him in the alleyway. When asked how he ever provoked them, he only shrugged and grumbled.

‘I’m never going out again!’ he cried.

‘But we’re lacking food,’ said Alfred.

‘I’ll go get some,’ offered Leon.

‘No, you must stay,’ said Matthew.

‘I’m well enough to walk,’ insisted Leon. He needed to leave the apartment. He wanted some fresh air and then perhaps he would know his next step. Emil dropped by a few times but he never stayed long. He told Leon that Lukas had never had a bet with Arthur. Leon wasn’t sure if he ought to believe that. Deep down, he realised that Emil was being honest, but the fear of getting disappointed, let down and hurt prevented him from calling Lukas. And he wouldn’t go back to his own apartment because he knew Lukas would be wandering outside, waiting for him.

‘When you’ve got your heart broken three times, you wouldn’t ask for the fourth time.’

That was what he told Emil.

He was scared; scared of hurting himself again; of worrying everyone around him; of making Emil cry.

Most of all, he was scared of hurting Lukas. He already did. From Emil’s tone, he could tell that the boy was trying his best to keep his word to Leon while witnessing all the suffering and emotional breakdown his own brother had to go through.

People should just stop being near him. Nothing good ever came out of him.

Nothing.

Matthew accompanied him to the supermarket. He tried to give Leon some optimistic talks, stuff like life had to go on and there was always hope etc. Leon didn’t really listen intently to him. He kept his eyes on the road, his hands jammed tightly in his pockets and his head occupied by his favourite pop song.

When they were inside the store, Matthew went over to the aisle full of snacks while Leon stayed near the ice-cream section.

Ice-cream.

Damn it. Everything he saw interrupted the song in his head. They had to bring images of Lukas to his vision. They had ice-cream once. An ice-cream truck parked on the road and they happened to walk past it. Lukas said he would like some melon. He gave Leon chocolate because it matched his hair colour. No, because he said chocolate could cheer someone up. He complained about the sore face Leon always made when they were together. He wanted to see him smile, like he did in front of Emil.

Lukas’s jealousy was like chocolate. Dark yet sweet. It convinced Leon that he was constantly being loved, noticed and watched by someone.

‘Hey!’

Leon was lost in his thought he barely noticed the boy waving fervently at him.

‘Yo there, cutie!’

Leon grunted and looked up. It was that boy with fangs he saw the other night. He was in a different outfit today but he still had that eccentric top hat on. He dressed like a goth from mid-century. His face was almost translucent, even paler than Lukas’s or Emil’s. His eyes were large. Who the hell wore red contacts? Leon squinted and examined those fangs, wondering if they were real or fake. On a closer look, his hair was a strawberry kind of brown. He didn’t come alone. Another boy with black hair and green eyes was standing next to him for a second and the next moment he had drifted off to the juice section.

‘Yea, remember me?’ The brown-haired boy giggled. ‘We met in the hotel lounge.’

‘Uh, yea,’ acknowledged Leon. He was still staring at his ruby eyes.

‘Nice hair, by the way,’ said the boy. ‘I immediately recognised you from the back! Oh, I’m Vladimir.’

‘Leon,’ muttered Leon as he politely took the hand Vladimir offered and shook it.

‘Out on a shopping spree?’ Vladimir laughed. ‘Did you come with Lukas?’

‘No,’ said Leon nervously. He didn’t want to discuss Lukas, but he was talking to one of his friends.

‘Oh, oh, did you fall out? You left in a hurry that night,’ said Vladimir. ‘Sorry if we interrupted something.’

‘No, no, it’s fine.’

‘I’m glad he’s actually dating someone,’ said Vladimir, rubbing his chin contemplatively. ‘And where on earth did he get someone this adorable by the way? This is so unfair.’

Leon frowned. The boy was leaning too close to him. Their faces almost came in contact. Leon reflexively stumbled backward. ‘Woah, actually, Lukas and I are-’

‘He was such a nerd and loner in freshman year,’ said Vladimir with a laugh. ‘So damn gloomy we were all intimidated by his magic.’

‘Magic?’

‘Yea,’ added Vladimir. ‘He knew plenty of spells so don’t ever make him use one on you. Oh, maybe he’s already used one. He used to have a book on love spells or something.’

‘So, you were his classmate?’

‘Didn’t he tell you that?’ exclaimed Vladimir. ‘Geez, he probably doesn’t talk much about us anyway. We used to hang out a lot. We were in this Magic Club together but he quit in the second year. Arthur is a member too. You know Arthur? The other guy we were chatting with that night.’

Of course, Leon knew Arthur. How could he forget such a subtle detail? Arthur had been into some eerie stuff like magic and curses as well.

He was the vice-president of the Magic Club.

‘Lukas used to be the president but then he quit and he passed the role to me!’ Vladimir kept talking, feeding Leon details of Lukas’s past school life. ‘Man, his magic is totally invincible. You should see some of his tricks. I’m still learning much from him and you know, he can talk to fairies and summon a troll!’

Now the conversation was heading nowhere. Leon began to feel chills all over his body. Vladimir reminded him strongly of a living vampire, and a rather talkative, exceptionally sociable one. When his black-haired companion was back, Leon heaved a sigh of relief. He missed the rest of Vladimir’s words.

‘Let’s go, babe,’ whispered the black-haired boy. He planted a soft kiss on Vladimir’s cheek.

‘You got the blood?’ asked Vladimir, which further sent a shiver down Leon’s spine. When he peeped at the carton of tomato juice Vladimir’s partner was holding, he furrowed his brows.

‘Sweet!’ Vladimir tittered elatedly before waving at Leon. ‘See ya later, cutie dorkie. Give my regards to Lukas, by the way!’

Leon stared at Vladimir speechlessly. Did he just call him a dork?

‘Leon, we’re heading back,’ said Matthew as he appeared behind him with a trolley full of groceries. ‘You alright? Were you talking to a friend just now?’

Leon didn’t reply him. All he could think about was what happened in the hotel that night, how he lashed out at Lukas and shoved him away, all because of one unnecessary, foolish misunderstanding.

Lukas had never intended to mess with him.

He and Arthur were friends. Old classmates. Club committee members from the freshman year.

And he thought they had had a bet.

‘Shit,’ muttered Leon.

‘Are you alright, Leon?’ asked Matthew.

Leon looked down at the ground, covering his mouth with his hand as he quavered in shame.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! This is the last chapter, folks~ (although it ended a little bit in a rush) Thank you so much for your support and comments >< I know this pairing is so crack and yet you've stayed to read till the end. As I wrote, I kept falling in love with this weird ship XD I'd love to write more on this ship if someone actually voted for it! Give me some ideas for my next story! :3

**(25) Confrontation**

When Yong Soo opened the door, he was met with two fuming orbs. Lukas pushed past him and stepped into the apartment, his hair tousled and his cheeks beet red. When he caught sight of the weed the boys were smoking and the porn they were watching, his annoyance turned into rage. Emil followed behind his brother and tried to calm him before he started to vent his fury on anyone.

‘Woah, dude, what the hell are you doing here?’ Alfred spoke first. He stood up, still holding the weed. He deliberately blew the smoke onto Lukas’s face, causing the Norwegian to clench his fists.

‘And what do you think you guys are doing?’ growled Lukas. He never really liked this bunch of delinquents. They had enough adverse impacts on his little brother’s personal growth and now knowing that they were holding Leon captive simply drove him crazy.

‘That’s none of your business,’ argued Gilbert, who used to hang out with Mathias a lot and drag him to the club. Lukas once considered Gilbert stealing Mathias away and he confirmed his speculation when one night, he saw Mathias making out with both Gilbert and Alfred in a local pub. The confrontation didn’t end pretty. Alfred returned with a pair of broken glasses. Gilbert ended with a nosebleed and Lukas had a bruised fist. Mathias had a swollen bump on his forehead. He kept chasing Lukas, from streets to alleyways but Lukas was utterly fed up with him. They went back to being friends a week later.

‘Where’re you keeping him?’ interrogated Lukas. He strode into the room. Yong Soo blocked him with his arms.

‘Step back,’ said the boy. ‘This is my apartment. I can say you’re trespassing!’

‘Go on,’ said Lukas nonchalantly. He took a large step forward and leant close to Yong Soo before pulling his curl brutally. ‘And I’m gonna report your weeds.’

‘Ouch!’ cried Yong Soo as his curl almost came off from his head. Large tears brimmed his eyes.

‘You speak again and I’ll make sure that you’ll lose that cute curl forever.’ Lukas made sure he raised his tone and smirked at the whining Korean.

‘Hey, that’s enough!’ Alfred pulled Yong Soo behind him and frowned. ‘Are you picking a fight?’

‘No!’ justified Emil immediately. He nudged Lukas and asked him to calm down. Lukas glared at the rest of the boys and asked one last time in his low, irritated voice. ‘Where is Leon?’

‘He’s out!’ cried Yong Soo, flailing his arms like a kid. ‘If you don’t believe us, you can search. We’re not hiding him!’

Lukas hurried past him and darted into every single room in the apartment. He kicked open the door and searched every corner. Surely, Leon was nowhere to be found.

‘Where did he go?’ asked Emil nervously.

‘To the store, probably,’ answered Gilbert and he turned to Lukas with a grim stare. ‘Stop doing whatever shit you’re doing to that kid. He doesn’t want to see you obviously.’

Lukas stopped and glared menacingly at Gilbert.

‘Please,’ sighed Emil, trying to hold back his brother. ‘We’re not looking for trouble. We just wanna know where he is.’

‘Look elsewhere,’ said Yong Soo, hands on his hips. ‘Because even if he’s here, we won’t hand him over to you.’

Emil had to stop Lukas from raising his fist. He gave Emil a look that asked **_‘Why do you even hang out with these impetuous guys?’_**

Emil spent hours persuading Lukas to keep things in harmony, but his possessive and jealous nature forbade him to do so. Lukas would fight, hurt or even kill to save what he treasured.

‘That’s it,’ growled Lukas. He clutched Emil’s hand and dragged him out of Yong Soo’s apartment. ‘You should stop seeing these delinquents.’

‘But Lukas, they’re just trying to-’

‘They’re not helping at all.’

They stopped in front of the lift. Not only was Lukas’s face burning, even his ears were red. His gaze could kill anyone on spot. Yong Soo shot Emil one last deplorable look before the lift door opened.

And standing in the lift were Leon and Matthew. They walked out and gasped.

‘Luk-’

Lukas pushed Leon back into the lift. Leon sort of expected him to punch him, slap him or bawl at him, but when the door closed with the just the two of them inside, Lukas wrapped his arms around him, so tight it almost crushed him. And against Lukas’s chest he leant, feeling the other shudder.

‘Would you please come with me?’ whispered Lukas, his voice so soft Leon almost missed it. ‘Let’s talk.’

On their way back to Leon’s apartment, both of them remained silent. Once they entered the sitting room, Lukas shoved Leon down onto the couch and kissed him hard. Leon struggled and bit back until blood dribbled down from both of their lips. Lukas licked the liquid with relish and started marking Leon’s neck.

‘S-Stop,’ said Leon. He blocked Lukas with his arms. Lukas gripped his left hand and glimpsed the bandages. ‘What’s this?’

Leon didn’t respond.

He earned a slap for that.  He fell flat on the couch. The pain was refreshing. It brought him back the senses.

‘Didn’t I tell you that only I could hurt you?’ growled Lukas as he took off his shirt. Leon retaliated with a smack across Lukas’s face. And the two began fighting, slapping each other and yanking each other’s hair until bruises became visible on their faces, their chests and every inch of their skin. Lukas kicked Leon, who dragged him down with him to the floor and they rolled in chaos.

Blood spattered and poured on them like rain. Tears drenched their faces. The pain kept them intact.

They ended it with a bloody kiss.

**_They say first kiss usually tastes like rain._ **

**_Last kiss tastes like rust._ **

They were tasting rust. Leon was sobbing. Agony was plastered over Lukas’s face.

‘I love you,’ he said, breathing the words into Leon’s ear. ‘How many times do I have to say that to make you believe it’s true?’

‘I’m sorry,’ said Leon. He hugged him back and wept and wept and wept.

‘I don’t fucking care what happened between you and Arthur, what you’ve ever done with him or anyone else,’ said Lukas. ‘I just want you- the person you’re now, not the person you once was or have been, so stop thinking of the past. Focus on me. Only me. Is that too much of a difficult task for you? Because I only see you and it hurts to know you aren’t doing the same.’

‘Sorry,’ apologised Leon. He heard a heart shattering and this time, it wasn’t his.

And it felt worse than ever.

He tightened his arms around Lukas, letting his snot and tears soak the other boy’s collar.

‘Next time, talk it over,’ said Lukas. ‘Stop hurting yourself. If you cut yourself again, I’m not gonna spare you.’

That night, Leon realised something.

It would be a state of bliss to be killed by someone he loved manically rather than ending this miserable life himself.

**(26) Mutual Destruction**

If love could be shared, so could pain.

They took a shower, rinsed their bodies clean and made out in bed. Every kiss hurt. It stung the wound. Yet, it was addictive.

They kissed each other’s bruises. Hurt. Pain. Blood.

They were all pieces of evidence. Of their love.

It was warped. It was tainted. It was downright abnormal.

Still, they found it irresistible.

Leon didn’t cry again that night. Lukas made him moan so much he almost forgot everything that had ever happened. He indulged in the burning sensation when their bodies connected. The connection wasn’t just physical. He could feel their minds merging and clashing, along with the slapping of their skin. The moans carried a mixture of pain and pleasure, of the wretched past and the unforeseeable future.

Leon’s body was always warm; his skin so flawless Lukas just had to carve it repeatedly. Every time he broke him, Leon would always forgive him; come back into his arms and if he didn’t, Lukas would track him down and drag him back to their home. He was his treasure. His toy. His possession. Nobody could share him. Nobody.

Over and over again, Leon came. He asked if they could stop. Lukas said he wasn’t going to hold back. The thrusts grew erratic. The bed creaked. Sheets were gripped tightly. Leon bit his bottom lip. Lukas flipped him over and pounded into him from behind. Leon groaned and buried his face in the pillow. Lukas’s cold fingers snaked around his arousal. It felt amazing when he stroked him. Lukas’s shaft was deep inside him, twitching and violently assaulting his posterior. He always knew the right angle to make Leon moan like a bitch. He was his bitch.

With a muffled cry, Leon climaxed again. Sticky, thick load leaked from his tip. Lukas kept ramming into him until he filled his insides with his seeds. The heat was always overflowing. His ass burnt every time Lukas came in him raw. Lukas turned him over and they shared an affectionate kiss. His partner had no plan of pulling out though. Leon braced himself for another round as Lukas aggressively left trails of hickeys on his neck. He hoisted Leon’s legs and pulled out a little before thrusting in again, eliciting a moan from the brunette underneath. It brought a proud smirk to his face to know that his little pet was enjoying the night. He could never have enough of this boy.

The next morning, neither of them left the bed. They just snuggled under the duvet, stealing each other’s warmth. When they turned to face each other, Lukas regretted a little that he had left a bruise on Leon’s left cheek. There wasn’t supposed to be a blotch on that perfect skin. He couldn’t help caressing it. Leon felt his palm on his cheek. He didn’t say anything. He snuggled closer against Lukas and fell asleep in his arms.

They would continue to hurt each other this way. They both knew it.

Yet, neither of them wanted to tear themselves from each other.

They had fallen too deep. Into this whirlpool of love.

When Lukas recalled Leon’s tears, blood and moans, he fought the urge to straddle this boy and ravage him again. Everything about him fascinated Lukas. He would never get tired of him.

Leon gave a yelp of pain. When the tip of the blade came in contact with his skin, all he saw was haze. He looked down. Lukas stared back at him with a satiated smile. His work was meticulous. He carved his name on Leon’s waist, taking each stroke slow and deep. Leon held back a whimper and arched his back. Lukas hushed him and finished the last letter.

Perfect.

It looked raw and red. Gorgeous.

Lukas started licking the blood. It stung so much Leon let out an agonised cry. Lukas made sure he would remember this scene forever.

He handed the blade to Leon and smirked.

‘Now your turn.’

**(27) Fight**

When Leon woke up again, it was already noon. Lukas was cooking in the kitchen. He sat up in bed and admired the work Lukas had crafted on him. Lukas’s name was engraved on his skin and it would remain there for good. The pain had abated and he felt ever so rejuvenated. He dressed himself and left the bedroom. After he cleaned himself, he met Lukas at the dining table. They exchanged a glance and laughed at each other’s bruises. Lukas walked over to where Leon was sitting. He grabbed his partner’s collar and sealed their lips together.

They finished the meal and spent the rest of the day lazing around, simply sitting on the couch watching television. Lukas texted Emil and assured that everything was alright. He kissed Leon and they made out for a bit before they both decided to take a nap while listening to some relaxing music.

Their peace and quiet was soon disrupted by the constant ringing of Leon’s phone. He picked up the call and heard yells, screams and more from Yong Soo’s side.

His dear friend was in the midst of a fight.

Leon sat up on the couch and called Yong Soo’s name. The line went dead. He looked over to Lukas, who was still fast asleep. He decided not to wake him up. After fixing his hair and shirt in the bathroom, he hurried out of his apartment. He called Yong Soo again. No answer. This time, Alfred called him claiming they were being chased by some gangsters. Leon scuttled and eventually met his friends in an alleyway in the downtown.

They were fighting with a group of gangsters, tossing whatever they could use as weapons, punching and kicking one another.

‘What’s going on?’ asked Leon.

‘Ask him!’ cried Alfred as he tackled one of their enemies to the floor. His glasses had broken and he was basically throwing random punches at his large opponent. Next to him was Matthew holding a hockey stick trying to defend himself from the more muscular attacker.

‘It’s Natalya!’ yelled Yong Soo.

‘Who?’

‘He cheated on her!’ yelled Matthew, but it ended up as a soft cry. He was pushed to one corner and the hockey stick was snatched away from him, flung against the wall and landing beside the rubbish bin.

Leon dodged a punch and retaliated with a kick. They were obviously outnumbered and their opponents seemed skilled and well-trained in combating. Leon tried all the Kung Fu skills he had acquired on the gangsters. Yet, he was carrying wounds in the first place, so his fight didn’t come out as forceful as predicted. Still, he blocked the attacks and successfully took down two boys.

‘Stay behind me, Mattie!’ shouted Alfred as he tried to protect his twin. He grabbed the bat and tried to pull it off his opponent before being pinned to the wall.

‘Why would you mess with a girl like that?’ bellowed Leon.

‘I didn’t know she was in a gang!’ argued Yong Soo. His head was smashed against the wall. He hissed in pain. Leon pulled the boy off Yong Soo and kicked him hard.

‘Call the cops!’ suggested Leon. As soon as he got out his phone, it got stolen away and trampled until only pieces remained.

‘Hey, that iphone cost a lot!’ he croaked.

Now the entire alleyway was occupied by the gang.  

Apparently, Alfred and Yong Soo lost their phones as well after they called Leon for help during the chase. Matthew didn’t have one to begin with. They were cornered from all sides. Leon tried to look for potential weapons and decided to use the bin lid as a shield. Whatever Yong Soo had done to this Natalya must have been awful because the girl didn’t seem to be letting go so soon. She ordered the men to ensure that the four of them ended up as cripples.

Leon began to regret his choice of coming here. But then again, he couldn’t just leave his buddies alone. They had helped him through troubled times and that was only reasonable he repaid his loyalty.

The boys managed to escape from the gang a second before Natalya caught up with them. She was wielding a butcher’s knife, her eyes cold and dead. The knife was intended for Yong Soo but somehow, Alfred shoved him away and Leon inserted himself between them. The blade scratched Alfred’s arm, leaving a large, open slit that stretched from his forearm to his wrist and it ended up digging into Leon’s torso. Matthew held Leon before he collapsed.

Police sirens blasted down the road. Natalya raised her knife again. This time, her eyes were filled with furious tears when she stabbed Yong Soo, who grabbed her blade and smiled foolishly. ‘Please, stop it. I’m sorry. Let me make it up for ya.’

The girl hesitated. When she retrieved her knife again, the blade had sliced through Yong Soo’s palms. She ran off and vanished with her gang.

‘I knew I shouldn’t have one-night stand with her,’ muttered Yong Soo.

‘You’re an idiot,’ said Leon before everything went black.

They were all sent to the hospital. In vague consciousness, Leon heard the ambulance, Yong Soo’s whimpers, Matthew’s whispers and Alfred’s grumbles.

His wound hurt. He just hoped the stab didn’t ruin Lukas’s craftwork. It turned out that the blade had delved deeper than expected. It damaged half of his liver. He was losing so much blood the world was spinning around him. The ceiling was swirling and soon it dissipated into fragments of white, blue and pitch-black.

He heard Yong Soo’s cries. Apologies. He kept saying how he wished he could’ve taken his place; how it was all his fault that this happened.

Leon wanted to tell him that he was crazy. Crazy enough to mess with a psychotic, murderous girl. Whatever crazy shit Yong Soo had done, he would still be his friend though. And he didn’t really mind taking a blow for him. In retrospect, he found himself crazier than Yong Soo when it came to love.

 ** _Oh right, where’s Lukas?_** Leon wondered. He hoped Lukas was still sleeping in his apartment. It would be best if he knew nothing of their fight. He would probably go haywire and then Emil would visit him with a teary face he so detested to see.

Alfred made it out alive with a broken rib, a twisted ankle and a stitched arm.

Matthew had a broken nose, a slight concussion on his head and a strained elbow.

Yong Soo broke one of his arms and his palms were sliced open.

Leon lay on the bed for a long time, his senses drifting in between dreams and reality. He got pushed around a lot, along the corridor, into the surgery room and in and out of the ward.

He couldn’t catch what they were saying precisely but he was definitely losing a lot of blood. And then, he felt a kiss on his cheek. He opened his eyes for a brief second and saw Lukas and then the image of him disappeared. He looked like an angel. Such pale face. Such dreary eyes. Such cold lips.

Leon was back in the darkness.

**(28) Together**

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Steady. Clear. Rhythmic.

Leon listened to the sound of his heartbeat. It was a miracle that it was still beating. He forced his eyes open and there he lay, on a gigantic bed, his body all patched up like a mummy.

Emil was the first person he saw. He was glad that the boy wasn’t sobbing because the sight of Emil’s tears wouldn’t help him recover. Emil looked relieved to see him awake. He held his hand and thanked God for answering his prayer. Yong Soo was the one weeping, his snot becoming a rather hideous, unbearable sight for Leon. He kept telling him to stop apologising but the Korean boy went on babbling about how his disastrous date with Natalya sent them all to the hospital.

Leon sat up carefully with the help of his friends. He began to wonder where Lukas was. Was he mad? Probably.

Emil sighed and told Leon that he had just checked on Lukas. In fact, he was staying in the ward right next to his.

‘What?’ asked Leon in utter confusion.

Emil shook his head and pointed at Leon’s bandaged wound. And then, he remembered bits of the conversation between the surgeons; how they were in desperate need of a liver donor and a transplant was Leon’s only salvation.

‘You know you and I share the same blood type?’ asked Emil.

‘Yea,’ said Leon. He had known that since high school; the first time they went for blood donation.

‘They said part of your liver was damaged,’ said Emil. He did a good job hiding his tears and the perplexity in his voice. ‘I said I could give you mine but then… ** _he_** insisted on helping out.’

‘Oh, oh.’

Leon looked down at where his liver was meant to be. He rubbed the wound gently. It felt bizarre and somehow twisted that part of Lukas was inside him. **_Shit. Shit. Shit._**

Why did it end up like this?

**_‘You’re mine.’_ **

‘Can I see him?’

‘He’s fine,’ said Emil. ‘Last time I checked, he was drinking coffee. He doesn’t want to see you yet. He said he would wait until you’re well enough to get punched.’

Leon blinked at Emil and then chuckled.

‘Okay.’

He lay back down. Emil smiled gently. Yong Soo continued to whine.

Leon wasn’t sure what Lukas was doing in the next ward, but he could already picture his face when they met again.

Surely, he would expect Lukas to make him beseech for mercy for the whole night.

In his sleep, Leon faintly remembered a pair of lips touching his. They smelled awfully of butter and coffee.  

And now, he was certainly his.


End file.
